Woman Code: When She Says This, She Means This

You’ve heard these false phrases before.

"Women never say what they're thinking." 

"Men just don't understand us!” 

Both seek to put blame on the other, when in reality, men and women just think differently! Nowhere are the communication lines crossed more than in early stages of romance. Why? This is the time when two people are just starting to build communication together. They have to rely on experience—and if that fails, stereotypes—to decipher what the other means. And this proves much harder for men than women.

Gentlemen, fear not! Today we’re going to decrypt ten phrases of Woman Code.

You too can read between the mysterious lines and learn what her words mean to her, not just to you. And don’t stop there! Read on for ideas on what you can say and do in response, to get the romantic results you want!

1.  “I’d love to be friends.” Ah, let’s start with a classic. Any and all friendzoning lines are a variation on this theme. She isn’t thinking of you as a romantic potential at all—this could be because you’re being too nice. But good news! You have the power to break free of the friendzone. Read this article to learn more!

2.  “I’m not sure if this will work out because of ____________.”  This is what my husband calls the “crap test.” It’s a female way of testing whether or not you’re actually serious about pursuing her. Your best bet is to be bold: ask her out for real right then and there. You will make your intentions known, probably impress her with your confidence, and hopefully get a date on the calendar! Your other option is to dither and use vague, unpromising words. This ensures you remain in no-man’s land indefinitely.

3. “It’s complicated.” Oh dear, the ominous response you get after asking whether she’s single. Odds are, there’s somebody else she can’t stop thinking about. He might be an ex, and on/off again boyfriend, or even just a crush she takes waaaaay too seriously. Whatever the case, she hasn’t moved on and her heart is not 100% free to love someone else. It’s best to avoid pursuing a relationship with her right now—you can always check back in a year or so!

4. “I guess I’m old-fashioned that way.” She is really hoping you’re old fashioned enough to embrace traditional gender roles. But she’s hesitant to admit it, likely because of today’s modern and gender-neutral culture. Your response should be to sweep off your hat, bow, and address her as “my lady” before helping her into your horse drawn carriage. (It would work on me, anyway.)

5. “Where is this going?” She is fed up with romantic vagueness of all sorts, and is trying to cut to the chase. She definitely is interested in dating you, though. This is your chance to clarify your intentions! If you don’t, she’d be smart to walk away from you. Of course, there is a flip side: if she’s asking this question over messaging or on a first date, she’s putting way too much pressure on the early stages of romance.

6. “It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s probably you, but she’s too nice to say that to your face. Or there’s the outside chance she’s an on-the-run criminal or something. Either way, you should probably accept the rejection as a blessing in disguise.

7. “It’s not just that!” Whatever you’re talking about is the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Whether it’s a bad haircut on top of being sick, or yet another dud in a string of bad dates, she is at the end of her emotional rope. You could walk away in avoidance, but a better idea would be to gently hold her hand, ask her to explain, or simply tell her you’re ready to listen. 

8. “So how’s your girlfriend?” She’s hoping you are single and you will ask her out. Do, or do not. There is no try, as my favorite Jedi would say. If you like her, now is the obvious time to ask her out! If you don’t, you can say you’re considering joining the seminary or becoming a hermit monk. Or you can answer honestly, if you want to follow your solid moral compass instead.

9. “I’m fine.” She’s probably not fine. Refer to decryption #7, “It’s not just that!”

10.  “I love you.” She is realizing you are becoming her everything and wants to be your everything in return. You now have the power to cherish or break her heart. (Whether or not her timing is great is another matter entirely.) Whatever the case, you now have the responsibility to weigh whether your relationship is a good one for you both, and act accordingly.

I hope this decoding seminar has helped all you good fellows. You are now prepared to communicate better and find the romantic results you seek. Go forth and romance well, sirs!