7 Things That Will Make a Man Stand Out in The Dating Scene

Gentlemen, when was the last time you evaluated your nonverbal cues in your dating life? They are not often talked about, with the majority of dating advice centering on conversation and timing.

But nonverbal cues are also important, especially on the first date.

We ladies read a lot into your body language and the things you communicate without words. Why? First impressions and details carry a lot of weight in the early stages of romance. This probably sounds intimidating, I realize. The good news is, learning to read and use nonverbals isn’t very difficult. And, it just takes a couple of simple tweaks to send all the right messages to your date.

What are the most common signals a lovely Catholic lady will be looking for? 

1. Respecting her space.

The number one thing ladies need on a date is to feel SAFE. Biologically speaking, women are the weaker sex, and men can be physically threatening. So we are obviously looking for men who make us feel safe, not scared! The obvious ones are what you don’t do: push physical boundaries, act entitled to her affection, or demand favors.

Instead, a good rule of thumb on that first date is to follow her lead when it comes to physical space. For example, I’m a hugger, so I always initiated giving a hug on first dates to clue in the gentleman. Some girls prefer to stay a polite distance apart the whole date, which is also fine—and she probably won’t raise her arms for a hug or reach for your hand.

See what I mean? (And ladies, make things easier for your dates by giving them obvious clues: pat the seat next to you if you’re comfortable sitting next to him, or just state that you don’t kiss anyone on the first date. It makes things easier for everyone!) 

2. Chivalry . . . without the show.

Chivalry tops the list of First Date Skills 101. BUT, the key is how you practice chivalry. Do you practice chivalry only on dates, or do you practice it because it’s who you are? Ladies can tell if a gentleman does these things for his mom, grandma, or sisters . . . or if he dusts off the skills only to impress girls.

The difference lies in the details: do you perform your manners with verbal pronouncement like “Please allow me!” all the time? Do you leap ahead to get the door, but ignore the old lady behind her? Do you jump up to pull out her chair after she’s already halfway in it? Or do you do these things without fanfare, and for those who aren’t just your date?

The best men do chivalry quietly, because chivalry is second nature to them. So, be the type of guy who does these things for all the women in your life. Your dates will notice. 

3. Being on time.

Unless you have a valid reason for being late, like you got stuck in construction or your car needed a jump, show up when you say you will! This tells us ladies you not only value your time and ours, but you can be reliable. And reliability is a huge green flag for whether or not these dates could turn into a relationship.

When in doubt, as a man, try to show up a few minutes early and use the extra time well. At a restaurant, you can choose a nice place to sit. If you’re picking her up, you can double check there’s no trash on your car floor. 

4. Being groomed.

We’re not expecting you to look like a model, or show up in a suit and tie just to get coffee. We are merely looking to see if you take care of yourself. Are you showered? Are your clothes full of holes? Do you smell clean? Is your beard well trimmed? Basic hygiene is a must for any adult in pretty much any circumstance. The day before your date, double check your closet and look in the mirror to see if you need any minor adjustments before you meet the girl.

5. Not being intimidated by girls!

This is a weird one, but hear me out. Number one on this list is for you to respect our physical space. However, this can go too far and make you seem like you’re scared of all physical contact. And that’s a major attraction killer. So, where do you find that delicate balance?!

First, get your initial read on her comfort levels, like we already talked about in #1. Then let’s say on the second date, initiate something within this comfort level. For instance, if she’s comfortable offering you a hug on the first date, maybe on the second date, reach out to hold her hand.

Or, if she’s the shyer type and you sat across the table from each other on date one, maybe ask to simply sit next to her on date number two. This gentle initiation will cue us ladies that you are confident enough to indicate further romantic interest, without pushing moral boundaries.

6. Enthusiasm to be there.

Are you smiling? Are you happy to see her? Or is your attitude full of complaints, negativity, or frustration at the world in general? A positive attitude goes a long way, and the easiest way to show one is with a simple smile. Plus, people are almost always more attractive when they smile, so it couldn’t hurt your chances for a second date!

7. Attentive, confident body language.

Are you making regular eye contact, or are you continually looking elsewhere all evening? Is your posture easy and straight, or slouched and guarded? Things like not facing her, crossing your arms, or scowling are all tiny red flags. Ladies will interpret them to mean you aren’t interested in her after all, or decide she isn’t interested in you after all. So check your body language in the mirror, and make sure you’re not accidentally sabotaging yourself.

There you have it, the basic starter list for making the most of nonverbal communication. What are you good at already, and what could use some work? Make the most of your dates by checking your nonverbal cues. You might be surprised by the results!