6 Unintentionally Disrespectful Phrases Women Say to Their Men

Have you ever said something to a guy and realized as you spoke that it was the wrong thing to say?

Our society is so casually disrespectful, that sometimes it’s hard to know when you’re crossing a line until it’s too late. 

Words can hurt. We’re used to hearing about words and phrases hurting women. Most men know that commenting negatively about a date’s weight, clothing, or intelligence is not going to go over well. But too often, women forget that our words can hurt men as well.

In fact, dismissive jokes and comments at the expense of men have become all too common. Some of them are so painfully obvious from the outside that it’s a wonder we don’t notice how dismissive we sound; but others seem so innocent that it’s surprising to see their effect on our men. 

1. "Shut Up."

Your mom was right, this phrase is just plain rude. No matter how much we try to say it with affection, “shut up” sounds dismissive. When we tell anyone to shut up, we’re telling them that their opinion doesn’t matter. Whether you’re telling him to shut up because he’s interrupting a conference call, or just because you think he knows nothing about style, your words hurt. They also reflect badly on you.

If you want him to be quiet, ask nicely. Even a quick finger to your lips during an important phone call is better than telling him to shut up. 

2. "Take it like a man."

Ow! “Take it like a man” not only implies that he’s not already a man, it lets him know that you think he has a long way to go before he’ll start being one. Can you imagine how you’d feel if he said, “can you try looking like a woman for once?” Pretty hurtful, right?! Implying a lack of masculinity or femininity in a relation is deeply wounding. 

If it seems like he’s whining too much about something, a simple “let’s talk about something else for a while” can help redirect the conversation. Try to think of a positive experience to focus on for a while instead.

3. "Wow, you’re really getting chunky!"

Everyone knows it’s unkind to comment on a woman’s weight, but too often, we forget that men care about their appearance too. If you’d be hurt by him commenting on your size, or the way your clothes aren’t fitting as well, assume he’ll be hurt as well. If you’re worried about your friend’s weight, tread carefully.

The truth is, men are just as sensitive about body image as women are, and a casual put down can sting for years. Find ways to appreciate the effort he is making to look good for you, and resist the urge to criticize.

4. "I trained him well."

It can seem like an innocent, joking little comment. But when your man does something sweet and you swoop in with this comment, you’re not only implying he’s a performing monkey, you’re also taking all the credit for his kindness. It makes both of you look bad and kills his desire to do anything else for you. 

Save self-praising phrases like this for your dog’s good behavior. When your man does something sweet, just say “thank you!” 

5. "If you don’t know, I’m not telling you."

Sometimes, we women can be mad for days about something that we think is obvious. But if we’re bad at confrontation, or feeling extra resentful, we play the manipulation game. He’s supposed to read our moods and pick up on every little hint. When he doesn’t (or chooses to ignore the whole spectacle) we pull out this dismissive little barb to throw at him. Don’t do it! Clarity in disagreements is the key to healthy communication.

Hiding behind passive-aggressive attacks like this one do nothing to bring you closer. When you do this, he loses respect for you, and learns that you fight dirty when you’re mad. Instead, just be honest. Tell him why you’re mad and work to heal your relationship together. 

6. "Man cold."

Women love laughing about man colds. Usually, this is a phrase you might say to friends to dismiss your man’s recent illness. Whether he’s with you or not, attaching the word “man” to any word as a pejorative is disrespectful. Your attitude toward him when he’s sick can be incredibly healing, or irreparably damaging, so don’t laugh about his illness. 

Even if you think he ‘acts like a baby’ when he’s sick, try taking him at his word instead of calling it a man cold. If he says he feels awful, believe him. Most men do actually work through minor illnesses and only rest when they’re too sick to ignore it, so trust him, nurture him if you can, and don’t laugh about him later with your friends. 

Remember, your words can hurt your man just as often and as deeply as his words can hurt you. Use them carefully, and you’ll be surprised at just how joy-filled and peaceful your relationship can be.