Online dating is about as confusing as it gets these days. Gentlemen might feel like they’re working around the clock, sending out messages, reading up on ideas, and yet, they still feel like online dating is working against them. Often, they might have fallen into one of these common pitfalls steering women away. Let’s see what they are and what you can do about it!
Unrealistic standards
If your profile has a long list of the things you’re looking for in a wife, most of us girls click away. These lists usually mean a man has impossibly unrealistic standards, such as thinking he will only date a woman who looks like the heroine of his favorite movie, or a blonde who cooks like Martha Stewart, or a local virgin who can recite a fifteen decade Latin Rosary backwards! A man who has a long list of expectations is not open-minded about getting to know real women. And it drives real dates away.
Lack of effort
One of the cornerstones women intuitively seek in a partner is a willingness to work. Perhaps he doesn’t want to drive the long distance for a first date, or he doesn’t want to pay for a plane ticket, or wants to know a lady is a “sure thing” before they even meet in real life. These behaviors are not only immature, but they signal to dates that a man is only interested in his own convenience, rather than a real romance.
Heart dumping
This is usually a misguided attempt to be emotionally sensitive and honest, but, in reality, it is baring your heart and baggage all at once, way too soon. My girlfriends and I think the common denominator is an attempt to over-spiritualize an online connection. Wait until you have a real connection before baring your heart, and for heaven’s sake, don’t start your messages with “I’ve been praying about us getting married!”
Neglecting his body
A man who won’t take care of himself can’t take care of a girlfriend, wife, or children. Whether it’s a poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, or more harmful vices like pornography or alcohol, men are called to respect themselves and care for the body God has given them. A man who cares for himself is also more likely to respect himself, his time, and his purpose–all of which are giant green flags to us ladies!
No plan for the future
This is especially true when the gentleman claims he wants to be a breadwinner and family protector someday, but his profile lacks the skills or drive necessary to accomplish it. It’s all well and good to say you want a traditional family structure, but are you actually working toward that? It won’t just happen on its own. Lives, marriages, and families have to be built; so if you know what you want in the future, take real steps to get there instead of sitting around wishing for it.
Having no interests outside theology and smoking pipes
Or Thomas Aquinas and craft beer. Basically, if you have made either religion or a substance your entire personality, we ladies are turned off! We are interested in a well-rounded man who has developed actual hobbies and interests. If you truly want to make craft beer and read theology all day, plenty of monasteries fit the bill. Marriage does not.
Treating women as a means to an end
Men who see dating and marriage as a stepping stone to something they want are rarely marriage material themselves. Even if the desired end is good (i.e., marriage), people should never be treated as commodities. Women can sense when a man is looking to merely fill the “wife wanted” job opening, and every date feels like a job interview.
Not taking on his natural leadership role
This one takes a while before the effects begin, but it is easy enough to spot early on in the dating game. An unwillingness to lead can manifest itself in phrases such as “I don’t care, you pick,” or “well, I don’t know, you decide.” Attitudes like this pass all the leadership roles to us ladies, and this can seriously affect a relationship dynamic in the long run. As a man, you can signal a willingness to lead by taking initiative, setting up the first calls and dates, and bringing up serious discussions. A great option is to first phrase things as a statement, like “I think we should trade numbers,” or “I am ready to be exclusive.” Then ask for her thoughts. Your statement shows your willingness to lead, and asking for her opinion shows you value her response. Win win!
Shirtless pictures on a wannabe Tinder profile
CatholicMatch is here to help you find connections, not hookups. This is the wrong place to show off your skin! Catholic women will flee your profile if they get the impression you’re just looking for shallow sex. Instead, share some clothed pictures of you at the gym, playing basketball, or out hiking. We ladies can read between the lines and appreciate your dedication to fitness . . . sans graphic mirror selfies.
Taking rejection poorly
This might be an angry outburst at a breakup, whining and moaning about an online rejection, or even continuing to pursue a girl who already said no. These are all signs of an immature character, as well as desperation. Dating is a grown-up game, and we should not be sore losers. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to aim for clean, cordial ends to any romantic connection. (Ironically, this is also the only way to leave the door open for a future reconnection.)
There’s a thousand small mistakes we can all make in the dating world, but don’t worry, they’ve all been made before. In the end, remember: it’s not about being perfect. It’s about trying. God can work around any number of false starts, faux pas, and missteps. He just asks you to try your best, and He’ll take it from there!
