That Awkward Moment When You See Someone You Know on CatholicMatch

There’s a level of anonymity on dating apps, but in the Catholic world, eh, not so much.

If you’ve been on CatholicMatch longer than a minute, you probably know what I mean. You know...that moment when you log into your account, excited to discover new potential matches, and then there he is staring back at you—that guy, Michael, from your hometown parish! 

In an instant, you feel as though your cover has been blown. You’ve been found out! Now someone from your life knows you’re looking for love. If he liked your profile or started a conversation, you’re then faced with a decision: start chatting or pretend you never saw him.

There’s a pressure to say “yes” simply because of how awkward it would be to say “no” and then see him in real life. On the flip, you may be nervous about dating someone who’s connected to your social circle—what if it doesn’t work out? Would everyone know? 

With the Catholic world being so small, how should you proceed? 

1.) Don’t be embarrassed.

You may feel a bit exposed when someone from your “real life” finds out about your search for love. We all put on a front of being totally fulfilled in our singledom, but a dating app profile basically blows that disguise out of the water. However, don’t succumb to the false idea that looking for love means you’re desperate or less-than people who are coupled up. Being open to love doesn’t communicate that you’re miserable or lonely, it just means you’re looking to share your life with someone.

Rest assured, your vulnerability and proactive effort to go out and pursue love is attractive. Besides, even if someone from outside the app knows about your desire for marriage, they’re on it too, right? No one will judge you for something they’re also pursuing.

2.) Give yourself a moment to really consider it.

Even though it feels like their message is burning a hole in your inbox, give yourself time to think. Similarly, if they liked your profile, you don’t need to respond right away. Think about this person—are you attracted to them at all? When you’ve spoken in person, have you gotten along? Do you share the same values? Are your personalities compatible? Do your friends or acquaintances like him?

If you can see yourself potentially getting along with him, why not give it a shot? You might have a real connection and a shared background in common. You might even come from the same hometown, a.k.a. no long distance dating!

3.) Respond authentically. 

In the same token, if you’re genuinely not interested in him whatsoever, you’re not obligated to give it a chance. If you don’t want to go out with him, don’t let guilt force you to—that’s not fair to him or you. You should be excited to go out on your CatholicMatch dates, not dreading it or simply going out of duty. If you feel compelled to respond to their initial message, keep it upfront, casual, and upbeat: “Thank you so much for your message, but I’m not interested in dating. I hope you’re doing well!”

4.) Come up with a game plan. 

You’re probably thinking, “But it will be so awkward if I reject him and then bump into him in real life.” To be entirely honest, if you rejected him, he’s probably going to pretend your interaction on the app never happened. He wants it to be awkward just as much as you do. 

If he does mention it, maintain the same upbeat attitude. Express that you are complimented by his interest, but that you’re not interested in dating. By keeping your tone of voice, facial expressions, and overall attitude positive and upbeat, he won't misinterpret discomfort as repulsion. That way, your rejection won’t feel so personal (and it's not personal, attraction is either there or it's simply not.) Don’t belabor the conversation—keep it short and sweet and then excuse yourself. 

In the end, online dating is meant to converge with your real, day-to-day life. If you see someone you know on your app, it may be a great opportunity to open your eyes to someone you never considered before. You might even come across someone you’ve liked for years and finally have a chance to ask out!

When it comes to love, there’s always a risk—the risk of awkwardness, the risk of heartbreak, the risk of discomfort. Don’t let fear of discomfort get in the way of your happiness or stop you from pursuing your vocation. Listen to your gut, but keep an open heart.