6 Things Single Women Wish Men Knew
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The media is constantly telling men and women how they should or should not act in a relationship.
A quick Google search will provide you with plenty of shallow dating advice—adopt a dog so you meet more women; start lifting weights; or, be really good at sex.
While some of this advice may seem like it would work to attract women, in actuality these are often not the things that Catholic women are looking for in a partner.
So, instead, here’s a list of six things single women actually wish men knew...
1. We Actually Like Tradition
So much of modern dating has become a rejection of tradition. There seems to be this idea that holding a door open for a woman or paying on the first date is disrespectful towards women. The truth is, many women do not feel this way.
Chivalry is impressive. Holding doors open, walking her back to her car, and paying on the first date are traditions that gentlemen adhere to. Many Catholic women actually have a desire to be pursued by men and these are simple ways to do just that.
These actions are a sign of respect for your date. It shows that you have high standards and you care about the other person. Many women are impressed by this kind of behavior and find it very attractive.
2. We Want You To Set Clear Goals and Expectations
As the man, it is your job to set the frame of the relationship. This means that you need to know what you want in a relationship and be clear about it to potential partners.
The most tactful way to set the frame is by being upfront about what you are looking to get out of the relationship from the beginning. This does not mean making a list of expectations you have for a future wife and posting it on your profile or asking a woman to carry your future children on the first date.
Saying something like, “I’m just looking for a friend right now, but I am open to a relationship down the line,” or “I don’t want to rush into anything, but I am looking for a long-term relationship that will eventually lead to marriage,” could go a long way in settling a woman’s anxiety and setting clear expectations for the relationship.
Single women who want to get married do not have time to waste playing games. We want to know if a man shares our faith, our values, our life goals. There is a fine line between spontaneity and mystery. While most women do appreciate a little bit of spontaneity and surprise in a relationship, the big questions should be answered fairly quickly after meeting, or even before the first date.
3. We Want To Know More About You
The worst kind of conversations while online dating are the ones that feel like a game of 20-questions. While it is important for you to express interest in the women you are talking to, remember that you are not conducting a job interview. We want to learn more about you, as well!
Whenever you plan to ask a question, try to share some information about yourself as well by answering the same question and any that she may have. Leave conversations open-ended so that ladies have a chance to respond and can ask their own questions too!
4. Please, Don’t Bring Up Sex
When you are just getting to know somebody, sensitive topics like sexuality and past sexual history could be awkward. Bringing something like this up too soon could make a woman feel very uncomfortable and could possibly be a deal-breaker.
As Catholics, we know that sex is meant to be reserved for marriage between a husband and wife. However, we know that this is not always the case. Talking about sexual history with a new partner can be difficult and awkward. This is not a light topic and definitely should not be brought up early on in dating. It is important to remember that past sins are private and you are not entitled to any specific details or information about this subject.
While open-ended conversations about past sexual history can be helpful in determining compatibility and expectations, it is important to be respectful. If you feel like you must have this conversation, as many couples do, be sure to broach the topic after you have been in an established relationship and have developed trust with each other. Do not go into specifics about past relationships; this will only serve to hurt both of you.
5. We May Want to Video Chat Before Meeting
It is sad, but the reality of living in the 21st century as a woman is that you need to be careful about who you meet with. Try not to take it personally if a woman is hesitant to meet in person at first. She may want to video chat or meet up with friends for a first meeting. Try to be open-minded about video chatting before a first date. If this is what it takes to make a potential partner feel comfortable and secure, what is the harm in a quick video call?
With that being said, it’s also important to try to move the relationship along at a reasonable pace. You don’t want to get stuck in a rut of simply texting and video calling and never meeting in person. It is best that you find a balance that works for both you and your partner and try to move things along at a natural pace. If the relationship isn’t progressing at the pace you would like, it may be time to reevaluate and move on.
6. Please, Share Your Social Media Accounts
While there may be some exceptions, most young women today like to connect with their potential partners via social media. Scrolling through somebody’s account can tell you a lot about them. We can learn more about your interests, values, and who you are as a person.
When a single woman asks you for your social media handle (after communicating for a bit and/or establishing some sort of connection), she may consider it a red flag if you tell her you don’t have any or that you don't want to share it. It can come across like you are hiding something about yourself. You may also be perceived as being out of touch with the 21st century. This is not to say that you need to become a social media guru, but having one or two active accounts to share with matches may make you easier to connect with.
Have faith in yourself and in God.
Men and women may be different physically and emotionally, but at the end of the day, we are all human. The most important thing to remember with any kind of dating is to just be yourself. Dating is about developing friendships that could potentially last a lifetime through marriage.
As you continue on your journey as a single person, here is a prayer to St. Raphael, the patron Saint of happy meetings and Christian marriages that can support you in your dating journey:
O God, please place me where you want me to be, guide me to the places you want me to go, and introduce me to the people you want me to meet. Holy Raphael, of the glorious Seven who stand before the Lord, I pray for your intercession to lead me toward the one I am waiting for, the one who is waiting for me: Raphael, Angel of happy meeting, lead me by the hand toward the one I am looking for. May all my movements be guided by your Light and transfigured with your joy and the grace of God. Amen.
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