5 Myths of Singleness You Need to Ignore
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February is my least favorite month. It might be short, but it takes forever to get through it.
Valentine’s Day is right in the middle. But since you’re reading this article, you might know it better by its more mischievous name, Singles Awareness Day.
Every year, you and your single friends get together and complain about this overpriced and theologically incorrect holiday marketed by card companies, movie studios, and your mother (who just wants a couple cute grandbabies, and for you to be happily married like your younger sister. But mostly babies.)
Depending on your age, you’re probably sick of this rhetoric. You’re tired of being told that you’re a catch and “God has someone special in mind for you.” But you also have some fears and myths that you believe about still being single that you just can’t shake. Here, in no particular order, is an incomplete list of the Myths of Singleness.
Myth #1: It’s your own fault that you are still single. You’re just not trying hard enough.
Okay. Rude. That’s hurtful. Don’t say that to anyone. Not even yourself. Are you to blame for still being single? Unless you have trapped yourself in a tower and hired a dragon to guard you, probably not. Are there fears and insecurities that you might need to work on in order to gain the courage and the confidence to be open to a relationship? Yeah, most likely. And congratulations, that means you’re human.
If you have a fear of commitment, seek out a therapist to help you heal those wounds. Bring Jesus into the conversation and ask him to shed light on the hidden parts of your heart. Don’t shame yourself for being a broken, sinful human being like everyone else on the planet.
And speaking of sin…
Myth #2: Flirting is OFF LIMITS until marriage.
Well, obviously you can’t flirt or snuggle up on the couch or kiss before marriage because you'll go to Hell, so therefore you can’t do anything more than hold hands before your wedding day otherwise you will catch a disease and die. Slow your Puritanical roll, my friend, and chill. There is a little thing called chemistry that is really important to marriage and having a healthy, and fulfilling, sexual relationship within marriage. And flirting is one of the ways we find out whether or not there is chemistry.
Will there be some sexual tension in your relationship? Most definitely. Uh, I mean if you don’t want to sleep with the person you’re dating why are you dating them? Eros must accompany Agape in a Christian marriage.
On the flip side of this…
Myth #3: If you’re not in a steady relationship then you must be sleeping with everybody.
The other side of the Puritanical coin is if you’re not with one person, then you must be incapable of commitment and sleeping around.
Do I need to spell out how ridiculous that thought train is?
[Let me try anyway. Casual dating, or as the rest of us know it “going on a few dates with different people and maybe the timeline is in the same month and maybe is over the course of a year” is in no way, shape, or form an indication of whether or not you sleep around with someone. The number of dating apps on your phone is not a tally board of who you are or aren’t sleeping with. If you’re reading an article on the CatholicMatch blog, chances are you aren’t sleeping around.
There is nothing wrong with scheduling two dates in the same weekend. Drinks on Friday and coffee Saturday morning? Then you have something to look forward to if Friday doesn’t work out (and a funny story), and you have the confidence that comes from successfully going on a date with another human being. Successful meaning that you didn’t die, kill the other person, break a limb, or get into a bar fight. That’s kind of a low bar, right? Right.]
Sometimes, though, just finding a date is hard. In that case…
Myth #4: There must be something wrong with you/ you’re ugly.
The dating apps don’t work unless someone swipes right on you in return. Oh, that doesn’t happen for you? Well, clearly, it’s because you look like a dog. This is where the culture of comparison and the lies of the beauty industry, for both men and women, rear their ugly heads. You want ugly? How about telling a fantastic, beautiful woman that the size of her waistline is why no one asks her out? How about telling a 5’8” brown eyed young man that because he doesn’t look like Captain America that he is no woman’s “type”? That’s ugly. Sadly, the statistics show that eating disorders are on the rise across every demographic.
Men, women, children, adults, teenagers, and the elderly are all victims of a distorted mindset formed by a toxic beauty industry that says, “you only have value, you are only worthy of love, if you look like this.” I could rant about this topic for ages, and probably will in a future article, but for now I want to reach out and say if you do struggle with loving your body please seek help. If admitting it is too hard right now, pray for courage. I suggest the Litany of Trust from the Sisters of Life.
And the classic…
Myth #5: Your standards are too high.
Your standards should be high. You are a child of God, the Most-High King, and therefore royalty. This means you have the responsibility to act like it, as well. Your future spouse should be someone who humbly recognizes their place as well as yours, and wants to partner with you for the mission of achieving your highest vocation, eternal union with God in Heaven. Does that require someone who looks like a supermodel? Nope. A member of the Swedish curling team? Nah. A millionaire? No.
Be someone who leads others to His love. Start looking for the beauty in everyone, and soon enough you realize that you are surrounded by the most attractive people on the planet. And let Christ transform their face into the most beautiful countenance this side of heaven.
Find Your Forever.
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