Here's How to Ease Your Dating Anxiety

The world is connected like never before.

You have access to people next door, and across the globe! Whether it’s in person, a first message on an online dating app, or even just an online interaction on some platform, it can certainly be intimidating to put yourself out there.

The longer you are searching for your match, the harder it can be. It may be easy to become depressed or discouraged if time continues to pass. Consider the ideas below, and just maybe it will make your experience more enjoyable and less stressful! 

Consider it an adventure rather than a chore.

Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it. — Chinese proverb

While the fear of rejection or failure is real, I found this old proverb apt. How will you meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there? The person you choose is one of the biggest decisions in your life, they are worth searching for! Instead of worrying about the outcome, look at it as an adventure! Whatever happens, you are trying something new, meeting someone new, and getting a new perspective!

Maybe it would help to keep a journal of “adventures”. Don’t make it a dating journal, but don’t be afraid to include a date or meeting amongst other things! If a certain one doesn’t go well, you can always rip it out later, but in the meantime, you can spark that sense of adventure by including these interactions along with other things you do in your life! 

Write that first message without fear.

Anyone with a little experience in online dating I think can empathize with the fact that each of us, guy or gal, sweats out that first message! Whether you choose to send an emoji to show interest, a short “hey, how are ya?”, or a more in-depth one to show you’re really interested and read their profile, it can still be an anxiety-inducing affair!

Looking through forums and talking to others, there doesn’t seem to be a right or wrong answer, the above options don’t always work, nor do they always fail. Everyone has a different way they like to do or receive things. While rejection or being ignored can be tough to navigate in the dating world, if you are truly committed to finding your spouse, there’s only one way to do that, and that’s reaching out.

While I don’t have any great insights on how to reduce the anxiety of facing the unknown, I do know that hiding ourselves away and not taking a chance will keep us stuck in our current state. Again, my best success in dealing with it is by treating it as an adventure! 

Tips for the First Meeting

You’ve done it! You made it past the awkwardness you maybe felt in asking someone out, or the anxiety of the first message, and have worked your way to the first meeting! It takes bravery to get this far!

Now a new set of challenges arise, but fear not, here are some ideas on how to make things smoother! There is a certain amount of shyness or awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time, whether through the CatholicMatch video chat, FaceTime, or a local meet up. These ideas will work for any of the above! 

Feel good about yourself.

One way to ease your own anxiety, and to portray confidence, is to feel good about yourself. This will also help the other person to feel at ease. That may look different for everyone, but a couple of tips would be to clean up how you want. Even if it’s an online meeting, if a perfume or cologne makes you feel better or more confident, use it (just go easy on it for the poor nose!)!

Another aspect is appearance. Clean up, but don’t try to be someone you aren’t. Dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion. I’m of the opinion that while you want to impress, you shouldn’t give someone an impression of you that isn’t real. It will only hurt you later. Not a suit and tie person? Don’t wear it.

Women, maybe you don’t like makeup, or you prefer flannel and Carhartt to flowers and pink. Don’t force yourself to do things just because you think it might be “expected”. After all, if the first talk goes well, you’ll be getting to know these things about each other later anyways. You will feel more confident and better about yourself regardless of the outcome if you are comfortable in who you are. 

The setting.

The way and place you meet can go a long way to helping relieve some of that initial awkwardness. If it’s an in-person date, choosing a location that is familiar with one of you may help the confidence. Making sure it’s in a public place may help any apprehension about meeting a stranger for the first time.

If you are video chatting, you can still work on the setting! You’ve most likely talked a little already, maybe you have a beverage you like in common? If this is your first date, suggest a specific beverage or ice cream you can both do. Having something in common that you can both do and have as a little distraction can make the initial talking phase feel less awkward. 

Don’t overthink it.

Maybe you worry that you might run out of things to say or have one of those awkward silences during a conversation. Maybe you are shy and are worried about being too quiet. It will be fine! Remember that laughter is the best medicine.

If you find yourself in a silent standoff, laugh at it! Maybe you could stash away a good joke or two, or a humorous story to share if you feel the conversation lagging. But don’t force it. Let it be natural and as you become more comfortable during your chat or date, conversation will naturally flow.

This also goes back to the setting; if you can create a neat setting, this will give you something to focus on or talk about if you find yourself struggling to keep up the conversation. 

Pray the Litany of Saints.

Literally, we have a litany of Saints who we can ask to help us through the jitters! Pick your flavor or ask them all! We have St. Joseph, Our Lady, St. Raphael, our Guardian Angel, and Padre Pio to name a few. You may fear running out of conversation, but you won’t run out of intercessors! 

Be bold and have faith!

Dating can be rough. It can be difficult. But we must not give up if we feel called to marriage. God has a plan, and that person is out there! Maybe your “like” or message that leads to that first call and date is the start of the amazing journey God has planned for you, but you won’t know unless you try!

Trust God to lead you to your spouse, and by implementing the steps above, hopefully, it will ease your journey there!