Texting While Dating: Blessing or Curse?

Texting in relationships? The age old question.

Well…not really, seeing as texting has really only been around for the past decade or so, it’s a fairly recent question and one that the generations before us can’t shed much light on. It’s crazy how something that didn’t exist when most of us were children is now a primary mode of communication. Think about it, how many people do you text throughout the day without giving it much thought? Pretty much everyone!

So why does texting suddenly become a hot-button topic when it comes to dating relationships?

Let’s clarify—in my experience of dating relationships, texting has only really seemed to be an issue at the beginning.

Should I have said that? Did I respond too soon? Too late? Too many emojis? Not enough?

What’s even worse than overanalyzing every single one of your texts is overanalyzing every single one of your love interest’s texts.

Why isn’t he responding? No exclamation point?! What does “ok” mean? Was that a joke?

Texting in the beginning of a dating relationship is synonymous with two words—excitement (good thing!) and anxiety (not such a good thing).

Let's talk about why texting adds excitement to a new relationship.

The excitement piece is why I think we do it. We already get a surge of dopamine every time we look at our phones (that’s why the average person checks their phone about 74 times per day), and that surge of dopamine is only intensified when we’re seeing a notification pop up from our potential-sweetie. It’s also a great way to feel connected to one another in little moments throughout the day.

And, while some may disagree with me, I do think it’s possible to have really good conversations via text. While there are some topics that should definitely be discussed in person, you can get to know about a person’s day, likes, dislikes, and general sense of humor all via text.

Again, this is largely because texting has become a norm in this day and age. It’s simply what we do, and because of that, I’d venture to say that not texting someone you’re starting to date seems very abnormal and forced. So what’s the big deal? If you like each other, why not enjoy the fun of a new relationships and indulge in those dopamine rushes and just text each other?!

But then we can't forget texting also can bring a lot of anxiety to a new relationship.

Insert that other component—anxiety. Oh yeah, you know it’s there. You can be having one of the aforementioned great and playful text conversations when suddenly, the other person cuts it off, or stops responding all together. Why? Did you say something wrong?

The whirlwind of thoughts that can stem from texting can be downright miserable, lead to overanalyzing of the relationship, and potentially extinguish the flame before it has a chance to really burn. The difficulty in texting early on in a relationship is you don’t really know the other person within the context of a romantic relationship yet, so every response is up for misinterpretation. While it’s tempting to constantly text one another, I’ve also been on the flip side where it becomes annoying. I don’t want to feel that I am constantly be chained to my phone to keep my love-interest happy!

Whether you're a fan or not, texting in relationships is here to stay. So how to navigate it?

I know that the texting-debate can get heated, with many people arguing very good points for both sides. While perhaps I’m not adding anything new to the debate on texting within a relationship, I will offer my general thoughts, which are as follows: We text. That’s a simple reality.

Therefore, I think it’s safe to say that texting will be a part of a relationship, because it’s 2018, and because it’s a part of all relationships. With the recognition that the beginning of a budding romantic relationship is fragile (or delicate as Taylor Swift would say), an obvious anecdote to the anxiety piece is simply to keep yourself in check. Texting is not a moral issue. Your relationship isn’t destined for success or failure depending on if you decide to text or not. Don’t put more weight on texting than it’s worth.

If your man or lady doesn’t text you back right away, don’t assume it’s because the relationship is over. Rest assured that one text (or lack thereof) doesn’t make or break the relationship. If it does, it probably wasn’t bound to go very far anyway. The best feeling is to be free. Text if you want to text. Don’t text if you’re not able to.

Finally, if you find yourself upset over your relationship’s texting habits, talk to the other person about it.

Establish some basic expectations that are realistic for both of you and where your relationship is at in that moment. There is no one-size-fits all when it comes to starting a relationship, and therefore how you communicate (wherever you fall on the texting spectrum), will also look different from one couple to the next.

If it’s the right person, eventually you move past the beginning of the relationship and you establish a certain degree of status-quo. Once you do, texting or not texting just won’t be that big of a deal.

While texting is a part of a relationship, by no means should it hold a place of primary importance. Enjoy those dopamine surges, but keep them in check too. Remember that texting is a component of the relationship but comes secondary to prayerful discernment of God’s will, authentic in-person communication, and simply seeing if you two are compatible.