7 Tips for How Catholics Can Date Long Distance

41

For many CatholicMatch users, online dating also becomes long-distance dating—and that brings with it a whole other set of opportunities, challenges, and frustrations that couples discerning marriage must carefully navigate.

The difficulties are obvious. Over long distances, normal date activities—seeing a movie, eating dinner, walking in a park under the stars—aren’t possible. That leaves conversation and that alone will only get you so far.

Here are some tips to make it work.

1. Run out of things to talk about? Then pray!

When Emily, a Michigan native, noticed a profile for an English doctor on CatholicMatch she hesitated about messaging him: the distance seemed prohibitive. But she overcame her fears and sent an emoticon, and a long-distance relationship started up over phone and Skype. Soon, however, Emily says the couple realized they had to make their dates about more than conversation.

“There is only so much to chat about when you don't have many shared experiences,” Emily said. Their solution? They actually had fewer conversations and, when they did connect via phone or on Skype, they only spent part of the time chatting. They devoted the rest of their time to praying the rosary or saying evening prayer. It worked: they got married in 2016 and are now happily living in England.

2. Read a book together.

One advice columnist recommends reading a book together. For Catholics, this is an opportunity to not only deepen your relationship, but also to get to know each other spiritually. Read a spiritual classic, such as St. Augustine’s Confessions, Thomas Kempis’ Imitation of Christ, or St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life.

If you prefer meatier reading, try tackling one of St. John Paul II’s encyclicals or one of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s books. Or strike out into fiction. If one or both of you haven’t read the Lord of the Rings, that could be a place to start. (One of the couples that met on CatholicMatch actually had a hobbit-themed wedding and reception.)

3. Hone your communication skills.

One common piece of advice is the importance of honing your communication skills. This makes sense: in the absence of all those non-verbal cues that occur in person, our words become that much more important. One writer says the key is to ask good questions. “Instead of asking ‘How’s that book you’re reading?’ say, ‘Can you tell me what’s happening in the book you’re reading?’” she writes.

Adds another writer: “Communication from hundreds of miles apart can be messy, but long distance taught me how to be attuned to his emotions and feelings without the benefit of being physically in the same place. I was forced to be better at texting and to fully use my words because actions and body language were not always there. Furthermore, we relearned the art of the conversation.”

It may seem like an added burden in the beginning but having exceptional communication skills will be a boon to your relationship down the road.

4. Remember that you can still go on dates.

One site goes so far as to recommend going out to eat and FaceTiming during the meal. Now if that’s too weird for you, you can easily adapt it to a more private in-home setting. Make dinner while you’re on FaceTime or Skype in your kitchen. You can even watch a Netflix movie together afterwards, as this CatholicMatch couple did.

“I came up with the idea of a Netflix date. We both had Netflix. We would sync up the same movie at the same time and we would watch it and text back and forth to each making comments about the movie,” said Chris, a Florida resident, whose future wife, Sandra lived in Mexico.

5. Exchange tokens and mementos.

Share as many photos and videos of your daily life as you can, says one writer. Even holding onto to something physical may serve as a reminder of the other person—a refrigerator magnet, a postcard, or some other token or memento you got on one of your special trips together.

As Catholics, we can extend this into our spiritual life—mail your match a rosary or an icon that has a special meaning for you.

6. Make the most of your time together.

Another common tip: long-distance relationships mean that the time you are able to spend together—both in person and digitally—becomes that much more important.

“We had to be very intentional about our communication. There were a few times one of us felt the other was ignoring or avoiding the other when in reality life was just busy and preventing regular communication,” Emily said of her across-the-ocean relationship.

7. Have love and patience.

The most obvious benefit may not seem like one. Being in a long-distance relationship means that you have to wait to do the things people take for granted—normal dates, attending Mass, family dinners, and social events together, just being in the presence for the other person.

But in the process you will grow in the virtue of patience. This virtue seems particularly helpful in practicing the virtue of chastity (see Pope John Paul II’s book Love and Responsibility for more on this). There’s also something to be said for not rushing into love. In our society, love is too often confused with momentary lust, passing infatuations, or immature crushes. You know it’s love when it stands the test of time.

As Song of Songs puts it, “Do not awaken or stir up love until it is ready." (Song of Songs 3:5).

Click here for stories about couples who made long-distance relationships work on CatholicMatch.

Find Your Forever.

CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.

Get Started for Free!CatholicMatch
— This article has been read 11280 times —