Are You Making Dating Harder Than It Needs to Be?

There is no completely perfect match waiting just around the corner for you. Let that sink in. Your perfect match doesn't exist.

Yikes!

"Wait, what?!" 

The simple truth is, it doesn’t take a whole lot to make a marriage. It takes a guy and a gal with similar values, who want the same things in life—the big things, and who stand before God promising ‘til death do us part.

Now, I'm not advocating settling, but I am saying that finding your spouse is not like searching for a needle in a haystack. It's more like searching for a spool of thread in a color that complements you in a seamstress' thread collection. Finding the perfect match means finding someone who is a great fit for you, not someone who is perfect. And often what we want in a spouse is not actually what we need in a spouse.

Just because you want your spouse to be tall and a good cook and funny like your aunt, realize that someone who is a great fit for you might not be any of those things, and that's okay. Most of the time what is preventing people from finding a spouse is....themselves.

Unknowingly, people make the process more complicated than it needs to be as they start building their expectations up, and becoming more rooted in the what they think must happen in their search for a spouse. It's really important to remember to get out of your own way.

Ask yourself these questions.

1) Are you making the dating process more complicated than it needs to be? (Are you doing more thinking about dating than you are going out of your comfort zone to meet people? Are you turning down potential matches for superficial reasons? Are you putting too much pressure on a first date—expecting sparks to fly and love at first sight like it happens in the movies?)

2) Are you waiting for the perfect husband or wife rather than waiting for the husband or wife who is flawed, but perfect for you?

3) Are you just sitting back and waiting/hoping for your love story to happen instead of working to put yourself out there by engaging in life fully?

A little self-reflection is very helpful for us to take stock of what we're doing in our dating life and how we can do better.

No two people will see eye to eye on everything, so don’t use someone’s flaws as an excuse to discount them entirely. It's normal for the initial excitement of a new relationship to wear off, and then we start picking apart our mate. Suddenly that annoying laugh he has becomes increasingly grating, or the way she can never make up her mind grinds on your last nerve. Any annoying quirks or flaws become reasons to cool the relationship completely and move onto the next one.

While dating, you will always be able to compare your date to someone else and find that person lacking in some essential trait. Or you might compare your date to a perfect vision in your mind. Either way, you can sabotage your relationship success by constant doubting, searching, and questioning. 

Some extra tips

1) Be careful when you hear your friends tell their love stories, like the stories of how they met, or got engaged, or how quickly or long it took for them to get engaged. Don’t assume that’s how it will be for you! Every couple's timeline and story is different. You will be sad if you expect to get engaged after three months of dating like your best friend Jay did.

2) Even the saints had crazy love stories. Google Servant of God Elizabeth of Leseur or Sts. Zelie and Louis or St. Gianna Beretta Molla and read what their lives and marriages were like. All different, and all helped make them saints.

3) Remember, if you’re called to marriage, God knows that and loves you even more than your spouse ever will. He won’t let you ruin your life because you said the wrong thing on a date or because you didn’t give that one guy a chance when you should have. There’s always hope.

This article is based on a lesson from our new video course called The Ultimate Guide to Purposeful Dating; a course that teaches you how to get from the first date to the altar.  Find out more here.