I Needed a Spiritual Makeover After My Divorce

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Life after my divorce was disorienting, but there were certain practices that helped me rebuild.

I remember it was so unnerving; I felt like I had lost my balance and was unsure how to stabilize my footing, as if I was tripping over my own feet.

After divorce, life can feel overwhelming and scary. You do not know what to do next or maybe you feel like your head is spinning as you try to figure out how to manage this new way of life.

One of the scariest thoughts to even acknowledge for me was, How do I go about rebuilding a new life for myself? At times, it felt like I was trying to summit Mount Everest trying to maneuver my new life. As I look back on those first weeks and months, even the first year or two, I see there were certain practices that helped me rebuild my life and find acceptance, even peace, in this new stage of life for myself.

I gave myself a spiritual makeover.

Before my divorce and annulment, I had a personal relationship with Jesus. But through those processes, it brought much more depth to my relationship with God. And so I used these trials as opportunities to draw closer to the Lord.

I found comfort in certain repetitive prayers like the Jesus Prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner") and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

I also used the opportunity to join a parish on my own. I found a lot of comfort in putting down my spiritual roots somewhere, and I really enjoyed getting to know the people in my spiritual community. It was a home to me and felt like a safe haven in this time of transition and upheaval.

I also began regular spiritual direction with a professor and mentor I had in graduate school. Her insight and encouragement have been a blessing. And when she gently challenges or prods me, I see the hand of God at work in her helping me heal and grow spiritually stronger.

Adding new spiritual practices or taking the time to join a parish can be helpful tools as you adjust to this new life.

I learned to enjoy my own company.

Honestly this one was probably the hardest and most difficult lesson I needed to learn.

After my divorce, I had to learn how to enjoy my own company and be comfortable with it. I had to learn to do activities on my own like go out to dinner, a coffee shop, or go see a movie by myself.

While it definitely had moments of loneliness, I had to be okay on my own, and find peace and contentment in the silence and solitude. In learning how to be comfortable by myself, it helped me become anchored in my own depths. And most importantly to help me find my self-worth in God alone, not based on my relationship status or how many dates I had been on in the last six months. I also knew when I felt healthy and whole living life on my own, that was an indication I was probably more ready and emotionally healthy to explore and be open to dating again.

If you cannot be at peace with your own company, it is likely you’ll look to dating as a way to fix the loneliness. And as much as I hated the loneliness sometimes, I knew I wanted to be emotionally healthy before I even opened myself up to dating again.

I took time to learn about my charisms.

I think learning about one’s charisms in a time great life transition such as a divorce is the perfect opportunity. In a sense, you are starting over in life or maybe sensing a need to make some changes and re-invent yourself.

Charisms are different from natural gifts or talents; they are supernatural gifts from God to be used for the building up of the Kingdom. If you are not familiar with an understanding of charisms or what your own are, I highly encourage you to check out the Catherine of Siena Institute. There are lots of tools to help you learn and discover your own charisms, such as books, DVDs, and an inventory that clearly spells it all out for you.

In the painful aftermath of a divorce, it can be easy to isolate yourself or pull away from the community around you. But learning about and growing in your charisms is a wonderful way for you to give back, serve, and bless others even when your life feels scary or unmanageable.

  • What have been some of the most helpful things that helped you rebuild your life after divorce?
  • What have they taught you about yourself?
  • What kind of spiritual makeover do you need? What are concrete ways you can grow in your faith?
  • How can you use your charisms to serve in your neighborhood, parish community, or even among strangers you encounter throughout the day?

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