Why Counseling Needs to be a Part of Your Divorce Healing

I have been in and out of counseling through high school and college. However when I was married and living with a man in active addiction, I knew I needed help like never before.

I was in weekly therapy, along with being in a weekly support group for women whose husband’s struggle with sexual integrity issues. At first, I resented the fact I had to be there. He was the one with the issues, not me. But I quickly learned as I got into my own wounds and baggage that I had a lot of inner emotional healing work to do.

I came to the support group one particular Monday morning. We were all working through the book Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts. I came this day, just feeling so angry and bitter having to do all this painful work. I told the group and my counselor I wanted to either throw the book across the room or torch it in my backyard.

Sometimes the messy, painful soul work of counseling can feel like that, where you just want to throw things and be angry. Now I am several years away from my divorce and annulment. And while my own healing journey was the hardest work I have ever done, I am so very grateful for all it has taught me about myself.

If you have walked through the pain of a divorce, counseling should be a part of your healing post divorce.

Why? Because you have healing work to do in light of your marriage ending. You need to process what happened, especially before you start dating again. You need to work through your own wounds or baggage perhaps you dragged into your marriage.

Seeing a counselor does not mean you are weak or less than. It means you are a human being who has been hurt. And sometimes we just need safe people to help us deal with and face pain in life. That is okay, and do not ever let anyone make you feel guilty for seeking help.

While I found my own counselor through a network of women in recovery groups, here are some ways to help you find a counselor as you begin your own healing journey after your divorce.

1. Contact your local Diocese, Catholic Social Services, or Catholic Charities.

Start by contacting your local diocese in the marriage or family life office. They might have recommendations for counselors and even local divorce recovery groups at different parishes. Those offices might be better stocked than your own parish, so start high up first.

If your diocesan offices do not have much, contact your local Catholic Social Services or Catholic Charities. In my own diocese, they have therapists, family support services, services specific to young children. Do some investigating, you might be surprised what you find.

2. Ask your local divorce recovery group for a recommendation.

After I filed for my divorce, I was earnestly searching for some kind of divorce recovery group. I checked out a local group at a nearby Catholic church but was very put off with the harsh and inhospitable tone. My counselor recommended I check out Divorce Care at a local non-denominational church and that was a much better fit for me.

I got a ton of great resources aside from encouragement and support when I needed extra care. I received plenty of great articles, book recommendations, and my particular group had a list of Christian counselors in the area.

Whether its a support group at a Catholic or other Christian church, these groups can have great local resources to help you on your healing journey.

3. Ask others for help: your pastor, family, or friends.

It can be really difficult sometimes to be vulnerable and talk about needing help to cope and heal. Ask other trusted people in your life for ideas or recommendations.

Maybe the priest or deacon who was your advocate for your annulment has resources that can be helpful. Ask your group of closest friends to keep an ear out for solid Catholic/Christian counselors. Contact the Pastoral Associate or Director of Evangelization at your parish.

If you never ask around, you’ll never find anyone.

I know it can feel scary and lonely. I have been here too.

Sometimes the last thing you want to do when you feel like life is falling apart, is go drag it all up again. But the wounds from your divorce need healing. Open them first up to Jesus, and then to the wisdom and guidance of a trusted counselor. God doesn’t just want you to survive your divorce. He wants you to thrive as a result from it. 

Making the time for counseling in your healing journey is a sure way to thrive in this new chapter of your life.