Struggling to Feel Joyful During Your Single Years? This Could Be Why. 

The hidden demon.

A recent conversation in spiritual direction revealed a demon I didn’t know I was fighting. Moreover, it was a demon I had barely heard of before. 

Acedia, which comes from Latin (acedia) and Greek (aκedia), means “lack of care”. Acedia is essentially a loss of joy in one’s life. This can affect anybody within any state of life: married, single, or consecrated. For me, it was manifesting in a number of small ways, but its effects were wreaking havoc. 

According to Jean-Charles Nault, O.S.B, an expert on the study of acedia, this spiritual temptation does most of its work in a subtle manner. Often the person affected by acedia cannot even detect it at first. Yet, when left unchecked, the toxic fruits of acedia can lead to depression, a leaving of one’s vocation, or other destructive decisions. 

The good news is that once one recognizes the temptation for what it truly is, that is typically enough for it to flee. Do you think you might be fighting this silent demon? If so, what are some best ways to combat this loss of joy? Plus, how does acedia affect singles in particular? Read on for some insights! 

1. Get up on time. 

This may seem so simple, but from my own experience I can attest that it is truly a game changer in the fight against acedia. When your alarm goes off in the morning, what is your response? Do you hit the snooze button a few times until you’re ready to “do life”? It may seem inconsequential to stay in bed an extra 8 minutes, but this can open the door to acedia.

If your first response to the gift of a new day is “not yet,” you’ve just let the devil win his first battle. In fact, this is not unlike what Satan said to God before he fell from heaven. Lucifer, one of the highest angels, rejected God’s plan for him in the heavenly kingdom (CCC 268). His response to God was “I will not serve.” In a similar way, refusing to get up on time is a small act of rebellion to God’s will for your life. 

Also known as the “heroic minute,” this is a practice recommended by many spiritual guides, such as St. Josemaria Escriva. 

“Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a fixed time, without yielding a single minute to laziness. If, with God’s help, you conquer yourself, you will be well ahead for the rest of the day. … The heroic minute. It is the time fixed for getting up. Without hesitation: a supernatural reflection and… up! The heroic minute: here you have a mortification that strengthens your will and does no harm to your body.”

Now, don’t become over-scrupulous about this.

There are times when it is okay and necessary to stay in bed longer than expected, like during an illness. But if you’re finding yourself battling with your snooze button most mornings, this might be an area you should tackle. For me, I have noticed a direct correlation between the result of that first battle with all the other battles I’ve fought and lost throughout the day. 

A simple tip in helping achieve this feat is to put your phone across the room from your bed. The minute my alarm goes off, I jump out of bed and make the Sign of the Cross before my feet hit the floor. Crossing the room to shut it off forces me out of bed immediately, making it less tempting to delay the start of my day.

2. Cultivate daily gratitude. 

In his book The Noonday Devil, Jean-Charles Nault lists several remedies for overcoming acedia. The origins of these remedies were written for monks battling with a lack of care and joy (acedia) in their monastic observances. These can certainly be applied in the life of the laity, too.

When facing a lack of joy in one’s state of life, it can be overcome by “contradicting” the temptation. This is as simple as the practice of daily gratitude. At the end of each day, look back on something you were grateful for that day. It might be something so trivial, like the green traffic light on your way to work. Yet these “daily gratefuls” are a direct contradiction to the loss of joy or care for one’s life. 

You might choose to take it a step further by keeping a gratitude journal. Write down what you’re grateful for from your day, every day for a period of time. On days that you are especially struggling, looking back through the pages of this journal will help put things in a brighter light. 

Overcoming acedia in the single life. 

It is a great temptation to think that one’s life in the single state has low meaning or value as compared to the married or consecrated life. This is a mark of acedia, and it must be combatted. While waiting for marriage, it is common to feel as if your life has not truly begun. The sense of loneliness you might experience when surrounded by couples and families leads to a feeling of exclusion.

The best remedy for this is to look at the gifts and opportunities you are given in the state of your singlehood. According to Nault, “Each single person possesses qualities, gifts, and even charisms that he can and must place at the service of all. Each single person has abilities to love that he can awaken in friendship also… Thus, the single life, even when not chosen, is a call to go beyond oneself. It is an invitation to love with a disinterested, universal love. And although acedia incites us to flee into the past or the future, the single person can remind everyone of the value of the present moment” (The Noonday Devil, pp. 193-194). 

What gifts do you have as a single person?

Your time, your ability to serve, the freedom that comes from not yet being in your vocation—these are all invaluable gifts! Not only is the remedy for acedia in the single life an invitation to use such gifts for one’s own spiritual progression, but as Nault observes, it is a gift for the whole Church to see a single person embracing the present moment. A well-lived life in your current state helps inspire a well-lived life for the married person, the priest, and the consecrated. 

While you may have never heard the word "acedia" before now, it's quite likely you've battled it before. If you're battling it now, may these insights help you grow stronger, finding new meaning and joy in your single life!