What to Do While You're Waiting for Your Vocation

Sometimes the differences between young adult Catholics and the rest of the culture can be polarizing.

Most twenty-somethings are climbing the corporate ladder, living with their significant other, and planning what to name their shared golden doodle.

However, the majority of my friends got married between 22 and 25, and are matching their nursing covers to their outfits, planning homemade baby food recipes and already getting their kids on the waitlist at the local classical school.

What if I don’t fit into either of these categories?

I’m in the “eat cheese quesadillas for every meal, run 20 minutes late to everything with my gas tank empty, and maybe try to get that cute guy to notice me at the next Catholic singles event” category.

I don’t have my life together, I haven’t landed in my long-term vocation, and I still have a lot of questions. What’s the purpose of my life right now?

The secular culture tells me to delay marriage as long as possible and enjoy my freedom now. My Catholic friends married young and are now creating small armies of rambunctious children. Where do I fit in? If I’m not married yet, are the only options to either live selfishly or race to the altar?

I do want to get married. And I don’t want to use my “freedom” now to do whatever I want and put off marriage. But I do want to appreciate the blessings I have and the call to holiness that still applies to me now. Holiness doesn’t start once I’m in my vocation. Neither does happiness. That would be a recipe for disaster in marriage.

I can be living in God’s will, even if my state in life isn’t stamped on my forehead. I have to ask myself the subtler questions of: who am I supposed to love and serve right now? And how do I avoid falling into self-serving mediocrity?

Single years don’t have to be selfish years.

One of the hardest parts of single life is not having a clear person or group of people to love intentionally. We can choose which friends to invest in with very little commitment. I can skip from one coffee date with a friend to the next, telling each one the same superficial facts of my life without every really digging deep into vulnerability or having to make sacrifices.

Even though the people I’m trying to love and serve aren’t as clear cut as a spouse, a religious community, or even as my family growing up, we are still called to love. In any vocation, what fulfills us is making a gift of ourselves to others.

1. Instead of getting by with superficial friendships, invest in a few key friends who you can be raw with.

Love them by giving them the gift of your real self, flaws and all. How freeing this can be! Share weaknesses and struggles with each other and lean into the other for accountability and help with routine sins.

2. Invest in roommates if you have them.

Instead of being ships that pass in the night, make time for each other. Practice the day to day acts of charity and self-denial that are good preparations for a marriage by taking out the trash, washing someone else’s dishes and learning to communicate about what bothers you.

3. Be a gift to your family.

They may not live in the same state, but these are people we have been specifically called to love. Pray for your parents everyday. Write a handwritten card to a grandparent or lonely family member.

Let’s embrace freedom in the best sense, not to do whatever we want, but to respond generously in this season of our lives when God has made us more available to serve his kingdom. Let’s use the time we have now to be holy.