Should You Marry Your Opposite?
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Want to know what sort of person would be a good match for you? Ask yourself what your best friend is like.
Is he or she an introvert or an extrovert? The quiet one in the friendship or the friendly, outgoing one? The worry wart or the fearless adventurer?
Chances are, your best friend is the opposite of you. And for a good reason. You admire people who have what you lack. They allow you a share in it.
My best pal in college was the fun loving adventurous type. She and I once planned a weekend trip to Boston but on the day we were to leave, she got sick. To me, the worrier, it was obvious we had to call it off. I mean it was a crazy idea to begin with—two students, no money, a shady place to stay, with no plans except to wander around. "And now you're sick." "What?" she said, guzzling cold medicine through pale lips and wiping a red nose. "We are GOING. Just cause I'm sick is no reason to call it off." So we went and had a blast.
Guess what? I married somebody who had the same fearless adventurer streak I so admired in my friend. We have had many adventures together.
Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, chances are you are attracted to your opposite in temperament. Something about the other person completes you. They have that elusive something you feel you lack and they bring it out in you.
Let's say you are quiet and think yourself a bit dull. Along comes a charmer who always knows what to say, always seems to have something exciting going on, and most amazingly, always notices you and thinks you fascinating. Or maybe you're the lively one and you meet a quiet, deep soul, whose innate stability of temper grounds you.
It's like two pieces of a puzzle, a match made in heaven!
Just understand that sometimes it is going to feel like purgatory. As much as you bask in your differences, sometimes they are going to drive you nuts. To go back to the Boston example, suppose you are the worrier and you are the one who gets sick and your carefree spouse refuses to hear of cancelling the trip! You could quickly both get frustrated.
Is marriage with an opposite type a mistake? No way! You just need to take time to understand each other.
Introverts and extroverts have different needs. Which are you?
One sign that you are an introvert is how you get energy.
I'm a talkative social person—which leads many people to think I am an extrovert—but I need quiet alone time to recharge. Whenever my husband's raucous Irish American family would get together I would invariably retreat into the bathroom where I could be alone for about ten minutes. Yep, I am an introvert. My husband, however, gets energy from being around people. He was once at an apologetics themed barbecue where he forgot to eat. He recalls seeing people walk by with hamburgers and french fries—his favorite food—but he was too busy debating about five people at once. And loving every minute of it. Yep, he's an extrovert.
At first in our marriage, his tendency to have friends over constantly and late into the night completely overwhelmed me. I like people but go home already! He had to learn to ask me first if they could come over and to set a beginning and an ending time for the visit. In the meantime I had to learn to manage having people over—a lot. Both of us learned to understand the other and now we enjoy hosting together. (By the way, are these real? I want one.)
Still not sure if someone is an introvert or extrovert? Try this simple test.
I recently stumbled upon another way to tell if a person is an introvert or an extrovert. Interrupt them. An introvert will get annoyed because they have thought everything through and just need to be allowed to spit the whole thing out. An extrovert will take the interruption as a proof that you are paying attention and are engaged in what they are saying!
I recently interrupted a nun who was giving a presentation. The second after I did it I was so embarrassed. What must she think of me? I could not believe when first of all, she agreed with my point even though I had contradicted her and when second of all she thanked me at the end for my interest and participation. She felt totally respected by my interruption!
Introverts and extroverts might as well be from different cultures where a head shake means yes in one culture and no in another, where belching after a meal is rude in one culture and a compliment in another, where the host touching the food with his bare hands is gross in one culture and a sign of hospitality in another.
Marrying your opposite is both the best and the worst. Thankfully, the sacrament of matrimony provides all the grace you need.
That is how it feels sometimes when you marry your opposite. It is awesome at times. At others it feels like the inmates are in charge of the asylum. It takes mutual love and understanding and dear divine grace from the sacrament of matrimony to not kill the person. (Dart guns are allowed.) That's okay. It's all part of God's plan for married people to learn to be unselfish.
To state the obvious, if we fell in love with someone because they were not like us, then we should not be too shocked if they are not like us. If we want someone just like us we might as well just skip the middle man and fall in love with ourselves.
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