Knowing My Myers-Briggs Makes Me a Better Dater

How well do you know you?

Socrates is associated with the phrase, “Know thyself.” One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life as a single Catholic woman is to really know myself. I didn’t always fully live those words of the ancient Greek philosopher.

I think there a lot emotional and spiritual factors that go into a person really being self-aware. It is certainly something you don’t just magically arrive at one day, it often takes a lot of time and personal reflection.

Sometimes going to counseling and working through issues is a tool to grow in this area. For some people, regular spiritual direction will be what is most helpful. For others it may be going to a recovery group or reading particular books.

One of the ways I've gotten to know myself is by understanding the Myers-Briggs types.

As I look back on the almost 33 years I have been on planet Earth, I think one of the most helpful things for me has been to learn about my Myers-Briggs personality type. Especially as I date, I have also found how this has helped me to be a better dater.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Myers-Briggs personality test, allow me to explain it a bit.

Myers-Briggs is a personality inventory influenced by Carl Jung that helps men and women better understand themselves, and what makes them the way they are. More specifically, it helps people identify their personality type, strengths, weaknesses, and preferences. The inventory was developed by Isabel Myers and her mother Katherine Briggs, based upon their work with Carl Jung’s research on personality types. To this day, it is one of the most widely used psychological tools.

So how exactly does the inventory work?

Based on how an individual answers the questions, people are identified as having one of sixteen different personality types with a combination of different letters. There is no “perfect” type and one is not better than another.

No one personality type is "best" or "better" than any other one. It isn't a tool designed to look for dysfunction or abnormality. Instead, its goal is simply to help you learn more about yourself.

The questionnaire itself is made up of four different scales:

• Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I)
• Sensing (S) or Intuition (N)—Do you focus on basic information you receive or do you prefer to interpret it and add meaning?
• Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)—When making decisions, do you tend to first look at logic or do you first look at the people involved and your own feelings?
• Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)—When dealing with the outside world, do you want things decided upon right away or are you open to new information and options?

So myself, I am an ENFJ. It has been a fascinating process for me to more deeply learn about the way I am wired.

Knowing myself more fully helps me to BE myself more fully. And therefore, a better dater.

Now you may be wondering, “That’s cute Patty, but how does this make you (or even me!) a better dater?”

Because when I fully know myself, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically, I am more free and whole to be myself. And when I am free to be me, it makes me a better dater. Wholeness and self-awareness are key to healthy dating relationships, and especially for successful marriages. It takes time and focus to grow in this areas.

Over the years, I have across a lot of great resources that have helped me better understand my own ENFJ-ness.

• The website 16 Personalities. Honestly this is the best website I have come across. You can take a free assessment that will tell you your Myers-Briggs type. It then spells out for each type things like: strengths, weaknesses, career path ideas, what you would be like in a dating or marriage relationship…and even your parenting type! I have found this site very helpful and practical if you’re new to learning about personality types.
• Did you know there is an area on your CatholicMatch profile to find out your temperament? Check it out here! The temperament test is another tool, like the  Myers-Briggs that will be helpful information for you personally, and can inform you as you look for matches online.
• The book Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything by Anne Bogel. This was one of my favorite summer reads this year. In her book, Anne talks about a variety of personality type tests and the benefits she has found from each.
• The book Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen. This was one of the first books I ever read on personality types, specifically Myers-Briggs. It does a great job explaining each type.

So how are you doing at knowing yourself to become more fully the person God desires you to become? What are tools you've used in your journey of growth and self-discovery?