Ladies, Here's Why You Can (and Maybe Should!) Send the First Message

As a woman in the online dating world, much of the dating process can seem intimidating. 

Maybe it takes you a while to warm up to the idea of signing up for an account and creating a profile. Finding the right pictures, answering the questions in just the right way, and putting enough information on your profile are all hurdles that can be cleared with a little patience and confidence. 

But, once your profile is “live,” don’t just sit back and wait for Mr. Right to come your way. We can’t tell you how many women we hear from here at CatholicMatch who are terrified of sending the first message! Many women think that all they need to do is create an online profile and then let it sit there doing nothing while they wait for a guy to find them and message them. This rarely works!

Ladies, it’s time to become more confident about being active online! 

There is NOTHING wrong with sending the first message to a guy. It does not take away a man’s ability to pursue you. Rather, it opens the door to let him pursue you! And opening the door on a conversation is a very good thing. Women are naturally good at this type of initiation in real-life interactions with men; it should be viewed as no different in an online context. 

For example, before my husband and I started dating, we were good friends. I wanted to date him, but I decided to wait for him to make the first move. He admitted to me later on that he had been romantically attracted to me from the start, but did not think I was interested in him until I started sending him “signals.” 

Phrases like, “I’d love to hang out with you sometime!” or, “the right guy just hasn’t asked me out yet,” slipped into our conversations, and he finally got the hint! Had it not been for my “signals”, he may never have gotten the courage to ask me out. In the online dating world, a woman sending a message to a guy is just like sending him a “signal” in real-life. 

Not sure what to say in a message? Try one of these!

Once you look through his profile and find you’re interested in making a connection, try one of these first messages to get the conversation ball rolling (feel free to copy/paste and personalize!). Don’t be afraid to pick one that suits your style, whether humorous, concise, or sincere.

Hi [Brian], I see that you like movies… What's your all-time favorite and why? 

[John], your profile is so thoughtfully written. I’d love to get to know you more! 

Hey [Aaron,] two truths and a lie, go! 

Hello [George], I’m trying to be more intentional about praying for others. What can I pray for you about? 

[Oliver], what’s a better discovery—avocados, or Amazon? 

Hey [Sammy], tell me your life story in four emojis. 

[Jack], if you had to choose a theme song for your life, what would it be? 

[Robert], would you rather travel the world or explore your own backyard?

Hello [Jason], I see you like to read! What’s the best book you’ve read lately?

[Daniel], I noticed you on the birthday list for today, so Happy Birthday!! Hope it’s a blessed one :). 

The odds are in your favor! 

Since women are often more timid about sending that first message, a message from you to a guy will truly stand out! Guys are often stuck sending tons of messages to women with no replies. But if he gets a sweet or clever message from you in his inbox, he’s sure to notice it! And don’t get discouraged if he doesn’t message you back right away. He probably needs time to look through your profile and give thought to the clever, witty, or sincere message you prompted him with. 

Or sometimes, timing just doesn’t allow for a guy to respond right away! There are many Success Stories of couples who responded to each other’s messages months or even years after the fact. You just never know what seeds you might be planting with that first initiation! 

And speaking of Success Stories, there are countless couples here on CatholicMatch who first connected when the woman sent the first message! Here are just a few examples:

Teresa and Jacob

Erin and Ben

Mikaila and Daniel

Elizabeth and Aaron

Carol and Seamus

Noemy and Brian

Megan and Zachary

Take courage ladies, it’s just a message! 

So, with these sample messages and inspiring stories of CatholicMatch couples, you can now step into the messaging world unafraid! Type out that message, say a little prayer, and wait for that conversation to take off. And keep it all in perspective—the first message is just the first step. The right guy will have plenty of chances to pursue you, he just often needs the “green light” to do so in the first place. Go for it, ladies!