If You're Dating Online, the Numbers Are in Your Favor

Still unsure about online dating? Don't be.

The numbers are indisputable. Back in the Internet Stone Age of 1995, only 2 percent of couples reported meeting online. Growth was slow, moving to 5 percent by the end of the decade. CatholicMatch was founded around that time, in 1999. Ten years later the figure was up to 22 percent. And the growth keeps churning, with 39 percent of couples now saying they met online.

That’s a large number that gets even more impressive when you consider that it only factors in couples who got together and stayed together. The statistics don’t measure the percentage of couples who at least went on a date with someone they met online, considered it a positive experience and learned something about themselves in the process.

Those of us whose formative years were prior to the age of the Internet might be tempted to bemoan this state of affairs. Isn’t lamenting how good things used to be supposed to be a way of life by the time you turn 50? But that’s not what I’m going to do. I believe online dating has been a good thing for relationships. And a study by the prestigious University of Chicago backs me up, reporting that married couples who meet online are happier and less likely to get divorced.

The most obvious advantage to online dating is the numbers game—your chances of finding someone you mesh well with are clearly higher from scrolling 100,000 profiles, rather than restricting yourself to the ten possible candidates in your work and social circle. But the reasons to use online dating go well beyond raw numbers…

Rejection becomes less awkward.

There’s no getting around it: you’ll still be rejected. In fact, the very numbers game that works to your advantage will also lead to more rejection. But maybe the reason you’ve hesitated to try and date someone in your office or your church group is that a friendship will never be the same afterwards.

Being turned down for a single date makes it clear you’re in the “friends zone” or even being condescended. If you start a relationship and it ends—which is the most likely outcome for any single relationship—that’s more awkwardness with a person that will be hard to avoid.

When you’re rejected online, you just move on. As they say in the NFL when a player gets injured, you just say “Next man (or woman) up.”

Broadened horizons and personal growth.

You can interact with people from different parts of the country and different social strata than would otherwise be the case. If you live in the country, you might find out that the person with the apartment in the downtown big city is a nice personality match for you.

If you’re a social butterfly, you might take notice of the quiet person who likes to be at home. These are matches you likely would not make by just organically living your life. In a Catholic context, people with different perspectives of the liturgical and spiritual life are more likely to connect.

By meeting them online you gain a deeper perspective of people in general. And maybe you meet the love of your life.

It’s easier to have the talk.

Nearly fifteen years ago I was talking with a friend about the advantages of online dating and asked simply, "how do you politely bring up the topic of contraception on a first date?” He responded, “how do you bring it up on the twentieth?” His response underscored that there’s no real natural way to address deeply personal questions. By the time you’ve invested enough in the relationship that it comes up, you’re less likely to make a smart decision if it turns out you and your significant other are on different pages.

The same goes for sex outside of marriage. This won’t drag on as long, but it would certainly be awkward if your dating partner subscribes to secular “wisdom” that says the third date is when it’s time to go to bed, and you want to hold true to the Sixth Commandment.

Online dating certainly makes it easier to put your beliefs out there on the profile and then look for the right matches.

Reduce the risk of settling.

There’s a fine line between settling and being unrealistically picky. There’s no question that online dating and it’s seemingly unlimited options can exacerbate the latter problem, but we shouldn’t overlook that conventional methods of meeting people increases the likelihood of the former.

Every single relationship runs into a point where both parties realize that the other has flaws. If your pool is limited by the people you work with, go to church with, and who your friends know, you may lower the bar too far.

For example, prior to finding online dating, I didn’t know anyone who was single, in my age range, and held true to Church teaching and the natural law on contraception. And I went to Catholic grade school, CCD in high school, and had a reasonable number of friends who were at least nominally Catholic. Settling would have been an easy mistake to make. And the emphasis is on “mistake.”

The University of Montreal reports that marriage rates are increasing because of online dating. This is the way of the world now, and that’s a good thing.