Can You Reclaim Your Virginity?

If we're really being honest with ourselves...

One cultural idea that many of us have to strike down again and again is that we are stuck within the sin we find ourselves. Rather than seeing holiness as something we must constantly work toward, holiness is seen as something you have until you lose it. And then it’s lost.

There is a lot of pressure to believe that your only options for dealing with your sins include trying to forget them or to simply move on, because there aren’t any concrete ways to be healed from it—at least not fully. I find this especially common around sexual sin.

So, let’s address one of the bigger questions within sexual sin struggles: can I reclaim my virginity?

Something that is very freeing to know, and that I wish more people did know, is that there is a way to heal—and wholly heal, in a way where you are internally and externally different because of it.

If we are speaking about virginity as being the literal sexual act between a man and a woman, then the answer is no, you can’t take that back. You cannot undo the act.

But if we are speaking about virginity as being more synonymous with purity—as today’s culture has warped the understanding—if we are speaking about the spiritual and emotional consequences that come with the weight of that sin, the answer is yes. You are not permanently stuck in the state of sin you find yourself in.

How? Because God does not want you to be stuck, or even feel stuck.

He wants you to be free, and feel free.

And so in His wisdom, He gifted the Catholic Church with a grace I think we can easily forget is so powerful: the Sacrament of Confession.

I read a book this year that helped me have more conviction in core teachings within the Church, called Into The Deep, An Unlikely Catholic Conversion, by Abigail Favale. She is a dedicated evangelical feminist turned devoted Catholic who writes with a sense of logic and conviction I wish more people had, including myself. And one (of the many) things she says when talking about the reality of the grace of the sacraments is, “If it’s just a symbol, to hell with it.” (pg 63).

If these sacraments don’t really give us the grace to be changed in a concrete way, in the way that Jesus Christ claimed that they would, then why participate?

If we believe Jesus when He tells us He is the Son of God, then we ought to believe Him when He says that these sacraments are more than symbols.

Abigail Favale explains that grace “for Catholics, isn’t merely a disposition of God toward people. Grace is a substance, like supernatural sap, a dose of the life and power of God within us. Grace heals us, makes us whole, cleans us up inside so God’s charity can well up in our souls and overflow from us toward others.” (pg 62).

As Catholics, we believe that salvation is an ongoing process of sanctification.

There is no permanent achievement of sanctification (until we reach Heaven), and on that same note, we are not left to stay within our sin and its weight if we don’t want to. Just as we have the freedom to reject the graces that God offers to us, we also have the freedom to accept.

So if you have struggled with sexual sin, or are struggling with sexual sin, you don’t have to stay in this valley. There is a true freedom which you have the choice to reclaim. “The words spoken by the priest and his sign of the cross do not just portray absolution; they make it happen.” (pg 129).

You can reclaim your walk on the path to holiness. You can seek forgiveness within the Sacrament of Confession and be truly changed not just within your emotional state, but within the state of your soul. And with this change, this grace, you can make concrete changes in your life.

You can learn what causes you to fall into sexual sin and be mindful to avoid it at all costs. You can create specific habits for yourself, whether that be downloading protective apps for your socials, or committing to an accountability partner, or adding in a daily Mass to your schedule. It all counts, it all matters.

Your actions are seen by the Father. There is a true freedom which you have the choice to reclaim. And you are not walking any part of the path alone.