Online Dating Got You Stressed? 8 Tips for Managing Anxiety While Dating

Dating can be extremely stressful. If you are just beginning to date again after exiting a long-term relationship, or you don’t have much dating experience to begin with, you may find that dating causes stress and anxiety in your life.

Below are eight tips for managing stress while looking for love.

1. Don’t be afraid of setting strict standards.

Setting strict standards while dating is, contrary to popular belief, a good thing. As you seek a relationship that will one day lead to marriage, you must know what characteristics you want in a future spouse. Their values, beliefs, and to some extent their personality must align close enough with yours so that conflict does not arise down the road. 

We are often too quick to cast judgment on men and women who set strict standards for the people they date. When I was single, a friend told me that I was “too picky” when it came to men. I was focused at the time on dating men who shared my faith and values, a standard which strictly limited my dating options.

I was hurt by her words at the time, but now understand that her philosophy towards dating—to have fun in the moment—was drastically different from mine, which was to find a husband and father-figure for my future children. When I eventually met my husband on CatholicMatch, he told me that his own relatives, ironically, had made the same criticism of him because he only ever dated Catholic women.

Having standards that you strictly abide by shows that you have respect for yourself as well as others. Nobody wants to waste each other’s time when it comes to dating. Setting clear goals for yourself before you begin dating can eliminate unnecessary stress down the line and shows that you are serious about finding a spouse.

2. Move it offline.

Nothing is more stressful than the “will we, won’t we” game that many online dating users seem to play when the time comes for setting up a date. A significant delay in scheduling the first meeting could cause unnecessary anxiety, casting doubt on chemistry or willingness to move forward with the relationship.

With online dating, there is a certain nuance to timing the first date. While you don’t want to propose meeting in-person too quickly, lest you be seen as pushy, you also don’t want things to fizzle out if you wait too long.

I suggest a 3-day rule, with some flexibility. If you and your partner have been talking regularly for at least 3 days, it is time to propose an in-person meeting. If messaging is more sporadic, but still constant, give it a week before suggesting to meet. Of course, you must be the judge of when the right time is for your situation. 

Additionally, try to schedule the first date as close to a week from the day you ask.

3. Know why you are here.

Through prayer and conversations with trusted friends and family, take time to discern what you are looking for in a relationship. 

Remember that you do not have to be perfect before you enter into a relationship. Everybody has baggage, trauma, and histories that form them into the people they are today. Being imperfect is being human, and we are all worthy of being loved. Just be yourself, be honest, and above all, be prepared to find love!

You need to know what you want before you begin searching for a partner. In order to convince another person to invest into a relationship with you, you must first invest into yourself and discern your own wants, needs, and desires.

4. Have fun!

Sometimes, we Catholic people take life too seriously, which leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Although dating is a discernment process for marriage, dating should also be fun! You should enjoy going on dates, participating in fun activities, and getting to know the person you are seeing.

If you are really stressed out, that can be a warning sign that you are not dating the right person. If you are experiencing ghosting, mixed signals, or are constantly afraid of your date’s reaction to what you are saying, these are all red flags for a toxic relationship.

5. Set aside a scheduled time for online dating.

Is it the act of swiping online that is causing you anxiety over dating?

The migration of dating to the internet comes with its benefits as well as its downsides. While connecting with potential matches is easier than ever before, having constant access to online dating apps at our fingertips can cause stress. Dating apps, which mimic social media apps in layout and function, can be addicting.

According to a study done by Match.com, close to one in six singles reported feeling addicted to the online process of looking for a date. According to the Addiction Center, “5 to 10% of Americans meet the criteria for social media addiction today,” which is associated with higher risks of developing stress, anxiety, and depression. 

If you find yourself addicted to online dating or developing negative habits associated with online dating apps, it may be best to develop a schedule to limit your time online. Removing dating apps from your cell phone or portable devices can also help limit compulsive swiping behaviors and reduce stress.

Unlike other online dating sites, which are designed for mobile use, CatholicMatch features a robust desktop website that is easy to use. Scheduling a few hours per week to log in to the website and check messages may be a solution for you if too much screen time is stressing you out.

6. Don’t take rejection personally.

People are wired for connection, and connection is built through acceptance and belonging—so when you are rejected, it can feel personal. Rejection is a natural part of any kind of dating. Especially in online dating, when you have the ability to reach out and make a move on anyone at any time, rejection is bound to happen.

When it comes to handling rejection, this is the perfect opportunity to practice grace. Through prayer and contemplation, accept the situation. Allow God to change what He wants in your life and know that in the end, He will always look out for your best interest.

Although it stings, try not to internalize the rejection. Remember that there is another human being with their own desires, needs, baggage, and busy lives on the other side of the screen, and keep things respectful. 

Do not dwell on rejection. Try to move on quickly, either by occupying yourself with other hobbies or by starting up a conversation with another prospective partner. 

7. Uncertainty is okay.

Dating is all about meeting new people and getting to know them. Feeling a bit of uncertainty about the future is totally natural and also totally okay. 

Dating a new person comes with a lot of questions—Will he like me? What is he looking for in a relationship? What is his family like? Does he want to get married? Although you will not be able to answer every question on the first date, time will tell you whether or not this person is a good fit in your life. Both you and your partner must trust in God that everything is going to work out in its own time.

We are hardwired to resist change. Part of the brain—the amygdala—interprets change as a threat and releases the hormones for fear, fight, or flight. However, not all change is bad! The anxiety you feel when planning to meet up with a new person should actually encourage you to go ahead with your date. The whole reason you are probably looking for a partner through CatholicMatch is because you want to change the fact that you are single.

8. Pray daily.

Maintaining a healthy prayer life can help to alleviate all kinds of stress. When you find yourself bogged down with anxiety or feeling hopeless, place your cares in the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Here is a prayer to recite when feeling stressed over online dating:

Heart of Mary, Mother of God, our Mother, ever compassionate towards our miseries,—thaw our icy hearts, and change them to the likeness of the Heart of Jesus. Be the road leading to Jesus; be the channel whereby we receive all graces needful for our salvation.

Be our help in need, our comfort in trouble, our strength in temptation, our refuge in persecution, our aid in dangers; but most in the last struggle of our life, at the moment of our death.

How great is the sweetness of your Mother’s Heart, and the power of your might with Jesus’ Heart, opening to us in the very fount of mercy itself a safe refuge, that so one day we too may join with you in paradise in praising Jesus’ Heart forever and ever. Amen.