The Struggles of Going Through a Divorce While Young

After my divorce, there was no shortage of trying days in the immediate aftermath.

It was Good Friday of 2016.

As the youth minister of the parish, I was around helping with various tasks related to all the different liturgies that take place during the Triduum.

One my favorite parishioners, a sweet older woman named Joan came up to me. With kindness in her eyes, she asked me, Patty are you okay? Where is that handsome husband of yours? I see something in your eyes and I just wonder—are you okay?

I had to take a deep breath to choke back the tears which started to bubble up in my throat.

I reached out to give her a hug and softly whispered in her ear, Well Joan, I am not married anymore to him. We got a divorce and I am just navigating life in a different way right now.

She gave me the biggest bear hug, and I was reminded why Iwas so glad to call Joan “my church work grandma.”

Going through a divorce at any age is hard and difficult. I do not think people who find themselves in that situation ever dream or imagine it could happen to them.

I got married at twenty-six and by the time I was thirty, I was divorced.

What are some of the frustrating struggles of going through a divorce at a younger age and stage of life?

I think the answers to a question like this can be varied andunique to people’s own personal experience and story.

For me, several things were especially difficult aboutnavigating divorce as a young Catholic woman.

• I wondered if the hopes and dreams I had for a husband and family someday would ever still happen for me.
• Fear about navigating life on my own: emotionally, spiritually, financially.
• How would I navigate dating again someday after my annulment?
• Would I be able to learn to trust myself and trust men?
• How would I deal with the loneliness, anger, and all the big feelings and emotions that would come as the days and weeks passed?
• I was fearful about what people in the Church would think about me. Would I be judged or criticized for the choice I made?
• I wondered how I would be able to thrive and not just survive this chapter of my life.
• The ability to make peace with my current reality even though I wished it were different and did not have to play out that way.
• Navigating the process of forgiving myself and my former husband.
• Fear about the future and figuring out life on my own.
• The uncomfortable reality of people giving you “free advice” who have no idea what your experience of your marriage was or what you dealt with.

Maybe some of these feel familiar to you too. On the otherhand, perhaps yours are a little bit different from mine.

No matter the struggles you bump into as a young person navigating a divorce, do this one thing...

Surround yourself with bearers of hope.

Fill your life up with people who will carry hope for you: about your future, the dreams you have for your life, etc. Ask family members and close friends to be your torchbearer of hope—to remind you on those messy, sad days that good things are coming. God has not forgotten or abandoned you.

Ask them to carry and hold on to hope for you when it feels impossible to believe.

Those people can gently speak the truth to you on the days when you do not believe an ounce of it yourself.

Yes, there are struggles that will arise, but they do nothave to wipe you out.

Who are the people in your life who help carry hope for you?

Who are your bright, shining torchbearers when life feelsdark and hard?

You can do this.

You are not the only person who is going through this.

You are not alone.