Only Mediocre Catholics Get Divorced and Other Lies I Used to Believe
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I used to play a list of judgmental thoughts about myself on repeat...
A few weeks ago I met with my spiritual director for monthly direction. It was fruitful and insightful, but we got on a tangent that led to the most interesting conversation. I started sharing how recently I have been thinking about judgements or lies that I used to believe about other people; unhealthy tapes that have been on repeat during my growing up years that viewed how I looked at people different than me.
Maybe you have had a similar experience?
Here is what some of the judgments that were sometimes on repeat for me growing up:
- Only mediocre Catholics get divorced. That would never be me…
- The worst thing for me to do in life would be have sex outside of marriage…
- But I would never would have an abortion, so at least I’m not like “that”…
- I never miss Mass on Sunday so obviously I’m a “better” Catholic…
Going through my divorce helped me to be more compassionate to myself and others.
Even now admitting those things out loud, I cringe with regret for such harsh, unloving judgement towards other people. I thank God He’s humbled me and done a lot of work with me personally on this area in my life. I certainly have grown and my heart has been greatly refined on what it means to love God and love my neighbor.
Going through a divorce as a young Catholic woman has expanded my compassion and pastoral care for other people who have also felt at times harshly judged or unloved.
Having worked in parish lay ministry for the past ten years, it strikes me that far too often Catholics can be very quick to make blanket judgments. It is interesting because that is completely the opposite of how Jesus operated pastorally in His earthly ministry. Does that mean He never called sin, sin? Of course not! But we cannot make assumptions about people with whom we have no personal relationship. It is easy to make a snap judgment about a person you have no personal connection with or investment in.
Being a Catholic Christian is not about drawing lines between us and them or deeming yourself better because your struggles are different than other people’s struggles. It is not about drawing a line in the sand to say whom is welcome or allowed to be a part of the Church.
To be a Christian means to love and care for your neighbor, no matter their wounds.
As I reflect on the inner journey God has taken me on in this idea, I recall the analogy of the Church as a field hospital:
“You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else. Heal the wounds. And you have to start from the ground up. This is the mission of the church: the church heals, it cures…the mission of the church is to heal the wounds of the heart, to open doors, to free people, to say that God is good, God forgives all, God is the father.”
As a Church, we must always be enmeshed in the real lives and sufferings and challenges and joys of the people of God and the whole of humanity. For this is what is means to be a Christian, to truly love and care for our neighbor, even if don’t always see eye to eye or agree with each other.
When I was going through the divorce process, I remember how sensitive my heart was to thoughtless comments from well-intentioned people who knew nothing of my lived experience or what I was going through.
I don’t ever want to be that kind of person to someone I meet or encounter in life.
What are judgments you used to presumptuously make about other people? How do you think this hurts both an individual and the wider Church?
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