Get Better at Talking

26

I once witnessed a conversation between a chronic talker and a long silent pauser.

It was painful and long lasting. The word Purgatory suggests itself. The talker rambled on and on waiting for some sign of life from the long silent pauser. The pauser waited for an opening which didn't come so he contented himself with sitting silently and occasionally blinking. This prompted Chatty Cathy to talk even more so that please God somebody would.

As I recall she even answered her own questions. At one point I stepped in and tried to contribute my two cents but that only made it harder for Mr. Tombstone to get a word in and it also gave fresh inspiration to the bionic woman. Mercifully, the conversation ended. The mega talker went off to her weekly support meeting, On and On Anon, and left me to bury the dead. At which time the long silent pauser shrugged and started talking.

I remember thinking—good thing they aren't married.

The funny thing is that on a good day, a bionic talker and a long silent pauser can make for a happy couple.

Opposites attract, right? But first you have to be able to date the person. You have to have that first conversation—the awkward one in which both sides might easily walk away convinced that the other person is impossible to talk to.

Before that can ever happen, each one has to acknowledge his or her own inborn limitations—or excesses—and work towards striking a balance.

Of course it is not just the mega talkers and long silent pausers who need to get better at talking. It is anyone who finds first conversations with the opposite sex awkward.

So if you are looking to date, how do you get words working for you?

You practice. I have just the place: Toastmasters. It is an international club with local chapters that meet regularly in which people help each other get better at presenting themselves. If the thought makes you nervous, let me say that it freaked me out my first time too. But the prospect of giving public presentations—which was why I joined—while stammering and waving my hands around my head as if I was swatting mosquitoes freaked me out more.

After the initial fear wore off, the meetings were a blast. Each one felt like game night. There were even prizes for best speaker. But even if you didn't win, people still rooted for you and wanted to see you succeed. It definitely gave me the public speaking skills I needed. But it also helped me talk to anybody one-on-one in any situation. Perhaps more importantly it helped me to listen.

For the purposes of dating, it has got to help to watch other people just like you and to know that most people struggle with presenting themselves. The mega talkers come equipped with lots of passion but often little refinement. The long silent pausers just need to unlock all that they have to offer. Everyone in between is also there because they perceive a lack in themselves. They want to gain confidence so they can present the best version of themselves, not a phony airbrushed version but their unique authentic personality.

Isn't that what you want to do on a date? But the first meeting freaks you out?

Possibly the best way to overcome the fear of that awkward first conversation is the part of the meeting called Table Topics. It is where the host asks a random person a random question. Then the person has to fill an entire minute with a decent answer, without going over two minutes. Talk about a perfect way to retrain both mega talkers and long silent pausers alike. For everyone in between, it provides the practice that makes perfect.

So go visit a meeting and see what you think. It's usually free to visit. If you decide to join, dues are cheap. By now you have figured out that ahem—you get to meet new people and mingle. But even if you don't meet the one there, you still get the training to be comfortable in new social situations. When the time comes for a first date it won't feel like Purgatory.

Find Your Forever.

CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.

Get Started for Free!CatholicMatch
— This article has been read 3165 times —