5 Things Not To Do on a First Date

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Awkward first dates are hard to forget.

Perhaps it was a first date faux pas made accidentally by you or the person you met. On the other hand, maybe it was just an awkward, even bad first date.

I have had some awkward, if not awful first dates. I have had some that went sour fast. It can definitely feel frustrating when it seems like you continually bump into not-so-great first dates.

All of us who find ourselves on CatholicMatch or other dating websites are obviously looking for that special someone to help us become the best version of ourselves. It is scary and hard to put yourself out there. You do not know what the other person is thinking or how they feel about you. That being said, there are a handful of things to not do on a first date.

1.) Do not just talk about yourself.

If you've been on the receiving end of this, it is just the worst. You are out on a date and all the other person seems to do is pontificate about him/herself. Now I am all for having healthy self-esteem and being self-confident, but if the other person is only talking about himself or herself, I would bet that first date may likely not lead to a second.  

Instead, do ask open-ended questions. Before your date, browse through the other person’s profile. Look for similar interests, but also for things you want to hear more about from them. Ask the other person about their passions, dreams for their life. Do they have any hobbies? Have they traveled to any interesting places? Ask questions about their family. Open-ended questions are inviting and can help draw a person into a deeper conversation.

2.) Do not have your phone out.

There are plenty of scientific studies that show having a phone present on a table can change the interactions and conversation dynamics among people. So on a first date (or any date!), turn the phone off and leave it in the car. If you need it on your person, have it out of sight and turned off. If you are going on a date, you want your full attention on the person you are getting to know.

If you are sharing something with the other person and maybeyou want to show a family picture or video of your baby nephew, ask your datefirst: “Do you mind if I pull out myphone real quick? I would love to show you the crazy family photo from lastThanksgiving?”

3.) Do not talk about previous serious relationships.

A first date is never the time to talk incessantly about past relationships. It is not tasteful, somewhat tacky, and may lead the other person to think you are not over those people if you continue to bring them up. If you find this difficult to do, you are clearly not over the relationship. If that is the case, do not date on the rebound. Take a break, regroup, and heal your heart first.

Do ask about your date's family members and friends. How many siblings does he or she have? What traits does he or she most admire about their parents? Whom are some of their favorite family members and why? Ask about their best friend or some of the best adventures they have had with their group of friends.

4.) Do not share your entire life story.

Remember what I said earlier about asking open-ended questions? That still applies here. Keep the conversation fun, light, and interesting. Do not pour your heart out on a first date—that just feels weird and uncomfortable for the other person. Remember this is the first time you are meeting this person in real life. You do not want your date thinking you are ready to share everything upfront with everyone you meet in life.

Instead, share openly about similar interests or the unique things that bring a spark of joy and energy to your life.

5.) Do not forget to use your manners.

When you are getting to know someone for the first time, your manners go a long way. If your date offers to pay, be sure to thank him or her. Do not slurp the soup or chew with your mouth open (this one always gets me). Something as little as sitting up straight and not slouching can make you feel—and looka bit more confident.

Make the effort to watch your behavior just a little more closely. You want to put your best foot forward on a first date, and manners matter.

Approach your first dates with more confidence and ease.

If you've fallen into one or more of these first date faux pas in the past, don't feel bad! These are common mistakes for a reason. First dates will always be slightly awkward, that's just a fact of life. Keeping this list in mind as you head off to your next first date will surely set you up for greater success!

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