Resources to Help Annulled Catholics Date Better

Are you needing a fresh start after your divorce and annulment?

This April, it will be five years since my divorce was finalized and I received an affirmative decision in my annulment case. In many ways, it seems like I have lived a lifetime since then. I learned a lot over the last five years, and am grateful for the healing journey I went on both with Jesus and myself.

One of the things I go back to in that season of life was the frustration and difficulty it was to find resources for me as an annulled Catholic to become a better dater. I read a few books from a Catholic perspective on divorce and annulment. However, when it came time to date again, I felt like there were not many resources I could turn to that would help me do things differently this time.

What did I do? I went looking for resources on my own. I asked my therapist or other divorced Catholic women I knew.

Here is a sampling of resources I have read that have helped me become a healthier, more self-aware dater after divorce and annulment...

Books:

Boundaries—I remember one of the hard lessons I had to learn while I was married and navigating my divorce was everything related to boundaries. I had no idea what boundaries were when I was married, and I had to learn the hard way. However, as I began to go to counseling and get healthier, I began to see much of the chaos I was living in was due to my lack of boundaries or understanding of them.

If there is one book, we all need to read, it is this one! Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy dating relationship. A boundary is a personal property line that determines things we are responsible for; where each of us begins and ends. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not. They can be used and implemented in all types of situations and relationships.

I think this is a helpful resource for divorced and annulled Catholics because I imagine for those who were previously married, perhaps healthy boundaries were not a part of your first marriage. I know that was the case for me.

This book has a lot of practical application, and each chapter offers tangible practices to implement what was discussed.

There is also a book called Boundaries in Dating, which looks at many of the same principles, but specifically what they look like in a dating relationship.

The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work—I have read this book several times since my divorce. There are so many new healthy practices I have learned that I want to incorporate into a future marriage someday.

Written by marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman, this book is something for every Catholic single to read. I had to unlearn and re-learn a lot about what a healthy marriage looks like, as well as learn practical tools for my relational toolbox.

Dr. Gottman has done extensive studies on married couples over a number of years, which has allowed him to observe and predict the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. The idea of this book is Dr. Gottman offers seven principles that guide couples on the way to healthy, life-giving relationships.

This book is equal parts practical and straightforward. Dr. Gottman teaches couples new approaches for things like communication, how to handle and resolve conflict, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. A great book for any single, dating, or engaged Catholic!

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk—The title alone is eye catching, am I right? ;)

I found this book to be helpful as I began dating again after my annulment. The simplest way to describe this book is a tangible guide to help you break destructive dating patterns that keep you from finding the love you desire.

What I love about this book is how it opens up the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations, and how to judge character based on things like compatibility, relationship skills, and previous relationships. I also appreciate the amount of time focused on healing past wounds and baggage, which was something I never did before I got married the first time.

As divorced Catholics, we do not want to repeat the same mistakes from our previous marriage. When we know better, we do better. I found this book a guide in helping me unlearn previously bad habits when it came to dating and relationships.

Apps:

Lasting: Marriage Health App—My boyfriend recently discovered this app, and it is has been a healthy tool as we grow closer together. The app is designed to get couples talking and connecting more over deeper conversations on things like sex, communication, money, emotional connection, etc. Each partner takes quizzes and reads different articles on a particular topic. After each person completes another portion, they can compare answers and add notes to create more conversation and discussion around a given topic.

I think this app could be especially helpful for people who were previously married and did not have these types of tools or resources available. Of course, an app is not fool proof; however, it opens up important conversations to have in a healthy way as a relationship grows and deepens.

Hallow: The Catholic Prayer & Meditation App—Hallow allows you to easily access a wide variety of traditional Catholic prayers, meditations, homilies, scripture, and other guided prayer sessions (including my favorite, The Examen Prayer)!

Listen on the way to work, on a plane, in the morning, or at night with downloadable offline sessions and customized lengths anywhere from 1, 5, 10, 15, 30, or 60-minute options! You can personalize your prayer experience. Choose your guide, length, background music like Gregorian chant, set your favorites, and create your own personal prayer plan.

This app is an easy way to make yourself slow down, reflect on your life, and bring God into your day-to-day living. As you navigate dating relationships, it's so important to bring God into your relationships, and daily, reflective prayer is a beautiful (and simple) way to do that.

If you were previously married and are now dating again, what books, podcasts or apps have you discovered that were helpful? What have they taught you about yourself, dating, and relationships?