Still Single? Stop Putting Your Life on Hold!

“Hold, please.” 

I hear these words most often in phone calls, but there have been times that I have felt my life was an echo of them as well.  

A few years after my annulment, I lamented to a friend that I felt anguish about not dating. I was getting older; I had come to really understand Catholic marriage; I was excited by the prospect of “getting it right”. My daughters had grown older and needed less and less of my time.

What was going on? Why hadn’t I met someone yet?

My life felt like it was “on hold”.

I had it in my mind what I wanted my life to be, and I was not giving any room to God to lead me where He had it in mind that I would go. I felt agitated. It was a very real struggle. My spiritual director at the time asked me something that I have never forgotten—“Is it possible that you are already doing exactly what God has in mind for you right now?”

I thought to myself, “how can this anguish be what God has in mind for me? I really want to be married again.” But the more I thought about it, the more that I brought it with me to Adoration and into my prayer time, the more it came to me that perhaps my spiritual director was right and I was doing what God had in mind for me right then.

The anguish stemmed from my feeling of dissatisfaction, and the dissatisfaction came from my focus on what I wanted and not any kind of thought as to what God might want for me. 

So instead of waiting around, I began looking for the opportunities in front of me.

Since my girls were pretty close in age, there were many things that the three of us could do together. I liked being involved with their various activities and was inspired by teens I met who were serious about the faith and were trying to navigate through what was becoming a hostile culture. I could give my time and talent to these groups and friends of my girls. Many serious talks were had late into the night. It’s good I didn’t need as much sleep then!

I also helped serve other Catholics by working with a friend of mine to run a local Theology on Tap group. Being able to use my skills of organizing and bringing people together in faith (and enjoying some wine!) was helpful in giving me something to look forward to. It also allowed me to feel like this service was worthwhile and made a difference in others’ lives, bringing them closer to Jesus.

Lastly, I had a job that I really loved working for the Church. It anchored me to my faith and acted as a reminder to turn to God as I continued to find my way in my new life. I still work for the Church but not in the same job. Working for the Church can be very difficult, and it has not been without its pitfalls, but overall I get great fulfillment in knowing I am doing positive work for the Church in this otherwise negative time.

Today, I am more confident and comfortable in my own skin, doing what I feel God has called me to do. 

This work is different from the work He has for my married friends. I make every effort to be the person who comes early and stays late, who talks at all hours and who can give of herself in ways that no married person can. 

This gift of self that I can provide gives me joy and peace in a way that it never did before. This is my calling. Have you considered the ways that you can give in your own singleness so as not to be living your life “on hold”?