2015: A Year For New Hope After Divorce

The holidays are tough for a lot of people. In the last few days leading up to Christmas, I received emails from many lonely and discouraged people wondering why God was allowing them to endure so much suffering and pain. If you have recently been through a divorce, or are experiencing the growing pains of rebuilding your life after one, I would like to share with you my response to one particular gentleman in hopes it will bring you some comfort and consolation, and hopefully some hope for your future and motivation to make some positive changes for 2015:

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you so much for your email and candid explanation of your situation. I am so sorry to hear you have suffered so much and continue to be in pain. No doubt, you have had your share of heartache and more in your lifetime. I understand how you feel completely and why you ask this important question of why God is allowing these bad things to happen to you.

I, too, have suffered through the loss of three babies, a bitter divorce, and many other bad things that life has brought my way. I share that with you only so you will know I am not offering you platitudes or trite comments merely to placate you. I believe there is reason for much hope in the midst of your trials and I would like to answer your question as well as share my reasons for hope with you.

Suffering, to a degree, will always be a mystery we won't fully understand until we get to heaven. But until then, we can take at face value that suffering is largely a consequence of sin; one person's selfish decision and the adverse affect it has on other people. But what about the suffering not caused by someone's choice? What about the loss you've experienced through your wife's death and through your own battle with cancer?

Allow me to share with you why I believe He allows bad things to happen to good people:

1. Because He will never force any one of us to choose right or wrong, good or bad, love or indifference. That is the gift of free will He gave us and He will never impose Himself or His will on us.
2. Because for some bizzare reason, suffering makes us stronger. When you break a bone, the healing process makes it stronger than it was before it was broken. Builders use long planks of wood that have actually been cut into short pieces and bonded back together to make one plank because the process makes them stronger. I don't know why God chose suffering as the path to strength, but He did and if we refuse the opportunity to grow stronger that enduring pain offers us, we just become bitter, hopeless victims.
3. Because He is allowing something that may not seem bad to us, but is in fact detrimental to us in some way, to leave our lives so we can get back on track to a normal, healthy existence.
4. Because He is trying to draw us closer to Him. I believe He allows us to experience loss so we will turn to Him. Sometimes we are so distracted by other things, we start losing our focus on the one thing that truly matters in life—our salvation. Getting to heaven is not a decision we make at the end of our life, it's a process, an active and ongoing relationship with God.

There is an outstanding book titled, Making Sense Out Of Suffering, by Dr. Peter Kreeft and in it, he takes the question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people to an entirely new and different level. He turns the question around and says the question we really should be asking is "Why does God allow good things to happen to bad people?" Meaning, we are all sinners and we have all offended God, yet He keeps loving us, forgiving us, and blessing us. Why? Why does He continue to bless and be merciful to those who have hurt Him?

In the midst of the heavy crosses you are carrying, my friend, are you still receiving blessings? Do you still have things to be thankful for? Is God showing you His love through the actions of someone else? These are great points to ponder.

In the end, I believe the purpose of suffering is to transform us, to purify us like a goldsmith purifies gold in the fire. It is to prepare us for the joy of heaven. And if we offer our suffering up for the good of someone else, like someone we know who is also suffering or maybe the poor souls in purgatory, we are not only strengthened but we transform that suffering into a gift.

I welcome all your questions and comments at asklisa@catholicmatch.com and I encourage you to check out my free and affordable resources at LisaDuffy.com.