Dealing with heartbreak is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. When we open ourselves up to another person emotionally, we give them the best of ourselves and trust that they will not hurt us.
If you are experiencing a breakup or simply feeling hopeless in dating, remember that this moment is temporary and not permanent. Also, remember that as dark as it seems now, Jesus is walking with you on your journey and He loves you, first and foremost.
If you are recovering from heartbreak, remember the acronym HEART:
- Heal your own wounds first
- Enjoy time with friends and family
- Ask for Christ’s intercession in your love life
- Reflect on what went wrong and what went right
- Thank God for steering you on the right path
Heal your own wounds first.
Researchers from Binghamton University and University College London found that women tend to be more negatively affected by breakups than men. Evolutionarily, women are hardwired to become more emotionally invested in relationships than men. For this reason, don’t beat yourself up for being upset when a dating venture goes awry.
Take time to heal your own wounds first. Don’t feel guilty about giving yourself a spa day or binge-watching Legally Blonde with a pint of ice cream. Everyone heals in their own way, and you need to make time for yourself when you are going through a breakup.
Enjoy time with friends and family.
Just as it is important to spend time alone taking care of yourself, make sure you are making time for friends and family. When you are feeling the emotional effects of a bad breakup or a string of bad first dates, the last thing you want to do is sequester yourself. Social withdrawal, rumination over negative things, and negative thinking are all depression traps.
It is important to remember that our family and friends can provide an equal or greater source of companionship than dating relationships. Hanging out with friends and family can help restore a sense of hopefulness and excitement to your life after a bad breakup.
Ask for Christ’s intercession in your love life.
No love can satisfy our souls as much as Christ’s love for us. Remember that He is always walking with you on your journey, and He shares your pains and sorrows. When you are experiencing any hardship in life, fall back on Jesus through prayer and by receiving the sacraments of reconciliation and Eucharist.
The transition from dating in the secular world and dating as a Catholic can be especially difficult for modern women. As you transition from dating secular men to looking for a partner who shares your faith, your dating pool will naturally diminish. Many men will not want to rise to the standards you have set, especially when it comes to abstaining from premarital sex or observing all tenets of the faith.
Remember that you are worthy of the high standards you have set for yourself; do not fall into the Devil’s trap of lowering your standards for an unworthy man. Waiting on God is never easy, but try to remember that God has a perfect plan for all of us. Pray that God grants you the patience to wait for the right partner to come into your life.
Reflect on what went wrong and what went right.
The beautiful thing about Catholicism is that our religion calls us to reflect on our own choices, attitudes, and actions on a regular basis through reconciliation. As you begin to recover from heartbreak, you should ask yourself a number of questions.
What did I learn about how I handle conflict?
Do I set healthy boundaries in my relationships?
What positive things did I learn about myself through this experience?
How did my actions or behavior contribute to this breakup?
If I could go back in time, what would I change or do differently?
Questioning yourself after a breakup is not a bad thing. In fact, it is probably one of the healthiest ways to move forward after a heartbreak. You can take stock of what you did wrong and what you did right, and then use that knowledge to make better decisions going forward in your next relationship.
Thank God for steering you on the right path.
In life, unexpected things happen all the time. We must be humble to the fact that we do not know the path that God has in store for us. Though it is very difficult at times, we must trust that God is steering us on the right path.
Before St. Paul became a disciple of Jesus and converted to Christianity, he famously persecuted Christian Jews with acts of violence and cruelty (Galatians 1:13-23). During that time in his life, Paul never could have known that he, one day, would become a follower of Christ. The mortal mind does not have the capacity to know the future. Though you may feel like there is no hope of moving on from your most recent breakup, have faith that something better is right around the corner.
“I trust in Your power and grace that sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with Your healing hands, for I believe that Your will is for me to be well in mind, body, soul and spirit.” —St. Padre Pio
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