3 Steps To Fight Loneliness After Divorce
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Don't get into too much trouble, tonight!
My coworker grabbed her purse and waved with a slightly jealous smile as she got into her minivan and prepped for the long ride home to her husband and kids. I waved back with an excited smile... it was summertime, the weekend, and I was pumped!
As I navigated my way through the crowded freeway traffic, I belted out the song after song on the radio, not really caring if others were watching. By the time I got home, the sun was setting. I settled in, grabbed a glass of wine, and sat out on my balcony. Alone.
I had no plans
Contrary to what my coworker assumed, I had no plans. Even if I did, I had no one to share them with. My excitement for weekend potential gradually waned and reality came back into focus.
But, this was not my first Friday evening alone, it was only one of many. That may sound depressing, and for some time in this rebuilding-my-life-after-divorce phase I was in, it was. But some months back, I had come to the point where I was tired of feeling sorry for myself so I resolved to approach this from a positive angle. I had rented one of my favorite movies to watch that evening, I had a list of things I needed to do on Saturday that would keep me busy, and I planned to find a good book to read with a pastry and coffee at the local Borders Bookstore after mass on Sunday. Yep, I was prepared.
Getting comfortable doing things on my own that I would normally do with a friend was a major step, a necessary step in my healing process. However, by this time I had been doing it for a while and I couldn't deny the fact that I really missed having companionship. I was not looking for a date, I just wanted a friend; someone with shared values and interests, someone I could relate to. I was on a mission to find that friend.
Frustrated and lonely?
If you are in a similar situation, you certainly understand the frustration and loneliness I was feeling all those years ago. As a divorced Catholic, you understand the necessity of treading carefully in the social world. Friendships can easily become romances if you're not careful, and if you don't have a decree of nullity, that's double indemnity. So, I'd like to share with you some suggestions for discovering new friendships:
1. Use an online service to find friends.
Back in the mid 90's when I was looking for friends, people were just beginning to use the internet as a tool, but now there are some pretty powerful tools for meeting people. The first one that comes to mind, of course, is CatholicMatch.Com. Your profile can easily reflect your desire to find and build friendships, and visiting the forums can also be a great way to bump into and start meaningful conversations with like-minded people who share your same values. Don't forget that CatholicMatch also sponsors an amazing annual event, the National Catholic Singles Conference, which is a fantastic way to meet new friends.
There is also Meetup.Com, a site where you can search for groups of people that share your interests. Some of the interests listed are Arts & Culture, Book Clubs, Fitness, Food & Drink, Movies & Film, Outdoors & Adventure, Religion & Beliefs, and the list goes on with more than 30 categories of interests that bring people together to socialize.
2. Attend a Catholic divorce support group or start one in your parish.
One of the best ways to meet people who understand what you've been through and what it takes to rebuild your life are those who have gone through it or are going through it themselves. I wrote and directed a parish divorce support group for many years and I have many excellent friendships from that experience. I also know many of the attendees have forged strong friendships that are still thriving today. Divorce support groups, especially all-male or all-female groups are a great way to find friends.
3. Go to daily mass or attend regular parish function.
Does your parish offer an adult bible study? Maybe a Catholic business association? Parish events can be a great way to build friendships with other Catholics and is a great way to put your talents to use, as well. I found that going to daily mass was also a great way to enrich my spiritual life while getting to know other daily mass goers.
What if you've already tried these options to no avail? What if you're still feeling lonely? Then, this may be a time in your life where God is asking you to learn something through being on your own. Every season of our life has a purpose, even being alone. If you find this is where you're at, I encourage you to take advantage of this time and ask God to show you what he wants you to learn. He will not disappoint you, and through this searching he will likely lead you to an entirely new chapter of your life.
Find Your Forever.
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