3 Big Dating Mistakes Women Make

Can we all admit to something?

All of us who are dating and seeking to find the right man or woman have made dating mistakes along the way. Friends, none of us have this figured out. We are not perfect when it comes to dating, and it is important to take responsibility for our part.

I know that has been a learning lesson for me on more than one occasion. I ghosted a man when I should not have, and really regretted how I treated him. There were other times I reacted too strongly to something that turned out not to be a red flag. On other occasions, I have become too emotionally attached or invested to a man.

Needless, to say I am in the trenches with you figuring outand learning (sometimes through big or small mistakes!) how to be a healthy,happy dater.

As I have been trying to dater better since last winter after a breakup, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my own dating mistakes. I have also thought about what dating mistakes I see other Catholic women struggling with just like me. The following are three big ones I have noticed.

1. Letting your heart run away with your mind.

As I look back how I dated in my twenties vs. now, this is one I have struggled with the most. I often (and very early on in a relationship) let my heart run away with my mind. It could be in the first month of dating someone, and the next thing you know I am trying on his last name, imagining my wedding, or trying different baby names with his name. Yes, I realize how crazy that sounds. Thankfully, in the last few years I am much more self-aware and know what my triggers in those areas are.

Those early days of a budding relationship are exciting, but there is a tension to find in staying connected to the present moment without letting your heart and imagination run away with you.

2. Attaching to a particular outcome.

A lot of what I am sharing with you I often need to preach to myself. Part of the struggle in dating for women (in my opinion) is that it seems women more easily and quickly attach to a particular outcome of where a relationship is going. What I have learned from watching a lot of online dating coaching videos is frequently women push a man where the relationship is going instead of letting it naturally unfold.

We know in many ways men and women are verydifferent, and how we act in relationships is very different. However, there isno need to hurry along or rush a budding relationship! Take your time reallygetting to know each other and enjoy one another’s company. Laugh and have funtogether.

Do not rush or hurry along a relationship. Be open to the process without planning ahead of time what you want the outcome to look like.

3. Focusing on him vs. your own life.

One of the greatest gifts I have given myself as a single woman is to build a rich, full, meaningful life for myself…regardless of my relationship status. Of course, I want to find that special person and get married again someday, but the primary focus is on living a full life for myself.

I am trying new things, working on creative projects, and enjoying going out with my friends. As I navigate dating, my focus is first on my own life. A helpful analogy for me with this concept is a seesaw on the playground. If I catch myself leaning forward too much thinking about a man I am interested in, I lean back more deeply into myself and living my best life in the present.

This is a balance that takes time and practice, but the awareness of this dynamic has been very helpful for me.

Remember that no matter what, you will have some bumps and bruises along the way. The point is what we do with those mistakes and how we allow them to make us better.

What are some of your own dating mistakes you have made alongyour journey? What have they taught you about yourself?