Don't Forget the Power of Respect

These days, the world can seem like an unfriendly place.

Whether in casual conversations with friends or in online discussions with strangers, disrespect is becoming the defining feature of communication. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize how disrespectful our words or behavior are. In a world full of casual put-downs, it’s easy to just absorb the popular rudeness all around us. 

This year, we’ve probably all seen a scary level of disrespect in action. Everyone is jumping into the fray. We’ll harass strangers about masking or not masking, refuse to answer polite questions, and spend hours online telling half the world how little they understand. Rudeness is everywhere, and it can be pretty overwhelming. 

While snarky comments and a “deal with it” attitude can seem like an easy way to win arguments, they don’t actually change minds. In fact, they can deeply damage the way your friends, family, and coworkers see you. If you’re not careful, incivility can even cost you your job!

In our society, we hear a lot about ‘taking up space’ and choosing ‘to put myself first’. The problem is that much of the behavior behind these mantras is disrespectful. Too often, putting ourselves first translates to disregarding others. While you shouldn’t be a doormat, if you’re continually focused on being seen and getting ahead, your behavior is often self-focused and disrespectful. 

It’s time to treat start treating everyone with respect.

To do that, it’s a good idea to turn off the TV, mute social media, and spend some time getting to know the people around you. 

First and foremost, start listening.

Listening is one of the most neglected aspects of respectful communication. It’s a foundational aspect of human interaction. If we don’t care what the people around us think or say, then we don’t care about those people. When we listen, we’re acknowledging that other people have something to offer to the world. We’re also encouraging them to think the same about us, because good listeners are more likely to be listened to in return!

Almost as important as listening is eye contact.

These days, our phones have become a convenient excuse to avoid looking other people in the eye. We’re multitasking, and that means our eyes are on anything but the person in front of us. But interacting without eye contact can make people feel unimportant or inconvenient.

When you’re talking to someone, look at them. Pay attention to their expressions and gestures. You’ll have an easier time remembering names and important information, and they’ll come away feeling seen, heard, and respected. 

When it is your turn to talk, speak politely.

Especially if you’re talking to a stranger or an employer, avoid making assumptions. A polite conversation doesn’t have to be formal; it should just be intentionally kind. Avoid being quick to antagonize or argue. This can be especially difficult in the turbulent times we live in.

Right now, so many conversations are fraught with opportunities to argue. Whether you’ve ended up bickering with an elderly parishioner after Mass about masks, or seething silently while your boss talks politics, there are so many opportunities to practice politeness in challenging conversations. Remember, keep your words gentle and understanding. You can still be honest about your perspective, but avoid sounding dismissive or mocking.

One of the hardest ways to show respect to others is by respecting their privacy.

Respectful people avoid the gossip pool at the office and avoid listening in to conversations they weren’t meant to hear. But they also keep private conversations in confidence. So, after the conversation is over, avoid telling the world about it. 

We’ve gotten used to the habit of posting screenshots and reliving all the ups and downs of our conversations for the amusement of others. Unfortunately, while oversharing about conversations may get you a lot of likes, it will also make you look disrespectful.

Avoid sharing the details of your personal or professional conversations. If you need advice on something particular, discuss the conversation carefully with a close friend, coworker, or your priest; otherwise, keep private conversations private. 

Respect is inherent, not earned.

People love to say “respect has to be earned” but that’s just not true. We’re all made in the image and likeness of God, which makes us inherently deserving of respect. If you start out treating each person with respect, you’ll find that most of them live up to it. 

Remember though, respect is not the same as trust. It’s important to let trust build slowly in any relationship. Let your boss and your friends earn your trust, but make sure they know your respect is a given. 

As you get to know someone, you may find that they earn even more respect. The basic human respect you offer to everyone can and should be a foundation to build on as you get to know someone, but it should never be something that has to be earned. 

Remember, the more respect you show to others, the more they’ll show back to you. People tend to mirror the behavior of those around them. If you’re taking the time to listen, make eye contact, and respond politely, they’re likely to do the same. 

Each time you chose to interact with kindness and respect, you’re changing the tone of someone else’s day. Who knows how many people will be touched by the ripple effect of your respect?