A Few Reasons You Might Still Be Single
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Are you the reason that you’re still single?
It seems that people are remaining single more and more until later on in life. Sometimes, the fault is not our own. It’s just not the right time or place. However, many times we are the reason that we’re still single.
So, over the next few posts, I will be outlining the top reasons I have observed over the years through my speaking and counseling on this subject of love and relationships of why people remain single late in life or forever.
Reason #1: You are too talkative or aggressive
Some people have an overly strong, dominant, or talkative personality which can unknowingly send off a signal saying, “Keep away.” So, while you may wish to date someone, your body language and actions could be speaking otherwise. Perhaps you are rigid in the way you talk, stand or shake hands, maybe even using a death grip. Even these small actions send off signals. What is your body language and demeanor saying?
A woman from CatholicMatch told me she went on a date with a man who talked the entire time about himself, his hobbies, interests, everything he’s good at, etc. She couldn’t even get a word in and wondered if he cared about her at all. Each time she was able to say something, he would always direct the conversation back to himself. Naturally, she never entertained going on another date with him.
So, watch how you present yourself in your words and actions. Perhaps this man would have merited a second date if he allowed her speak, took some time to listen, and to ask questions while sincerely being interested in what she had to say.
Reason #2: You are too passive or shy
Some people are overly shy or passive which often comes across as weak, timid, or uninterested. So, while these people strongly desire to have someone in their life, their own actions are conveying otherwise.
The same CatholicMatch woman mentioned above who went on a date with the overly talkative guy decided to try again. Unfortunately, on her second date, she ran into the opposite problem. This man hardly talked at all and had no aptitude to lead a conversation. The whole date consisted of long, awkward silences, and the woman said she had to be the one filling in all the gaps to keep the conversation going.
If someone doesn’t talk on a date, it shows they are not interested. They often come across as snobby and uninterested—not shy. While interiorly, they may be oozing with emotion and desire, on the outside, they appear stoic, serious, and just completely uninterested.
Thus, be very careful how you present yourself if you're a shy person. You may be sending off the wrong signals without even being aware of it. Eye contact and forcing yourself to smile are a must. Learn to communicate interest through your body language and demeanor, and in the meantime, use expert communication skills to say what you feel.
Reason #3: You are not making the effort
I have run and spoken to young adults for years and hear much of the chatter in the groups. I hear complaints from both men and women. Women gripe that men never ask them out. If they go to a bar, they will often be approached and maybe even asked out, but when attending Catholic events, men barely approach them much less talk to them.
On the other hand, men retort that women show no interest. They often look indifferent and give no signs otherwise. In response, women say, they shouldn’t have to flirt or show that “they want to be pursued!” So, both sides expect something from the other and experience frustrations.
Here’s the deal. A man should pursue a lady and should be a strong leader in the relationship if he is interested in her. With that being said, women need to not be completely passive either.
If you ladies are interested in someone, show him. Give him hints. Let him catch your eyes from across the room. Do not speak to him the same way you speak to everyone other guy. Laugh a little more at his jokes. Be a little more excited when speaking with him and more attentive when listening. Depending on the conversation and how well you know him, touch his arm, or give him a playful push, or a poke in the shoulder. Mild flirting and heightened interest reveals to a man that you are interested.
Bottom line: Both men and women need to stop expecting the other side to do all the work and then blaming each other when nothing happens. If you want a relationship, do something about it.
Reason #4: You are compromising
The fourth reason you might still be single is because you are compromising. You fear being alone forever or believe the lies that you are not good enough, that no one will ever love you, or many other fears that bombard us. Many people let these fears control their lives and lead them into relationships they have no business being in.
In these situations, you know in your heart and mind that the person you are with is not the one for you. You know deep in your heart that you are compromising, and perhaps, make many excuses to justify the situation.
Here is your friendly reminder. As long as you are with somebody who is not right for you, then you cannot be with the person that is right for you.
Trust God and stop giving into fear lest you miss the marriage boat. I myself waited many years for my wife, and you know what? It was worth the wait. God knows what He’s doing. So, stop compromising and start praying about it today.
If you would like to hear my full unabridged message on this topic, check out my YouTube video here.
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