James Blankenship: A Letter To My Shy Single Self

Photo credit: Robert Merhaut

Dear James,

Remember the old Star Trek episodes of time travel and the prime directive? I shouldn’t be writing you this letter because of the risk of changing your future and my present, but you just signed up for CatholicMatch and you need some encouragement and a whole lot of advice.

I know...you’re dying to know your future! You will do the online dating thing for the better part of 10 years and you’ll become frustrated, but trust me, it does work. You will meet your wife on CatholicMatch and she will rock your world! Your future wife is an amazing girl that is both beautiful and Godly. She will hold you to a high standard and inspire you to strive for virtue.

I really think she is going to get us to heaven. One other thing about your future...you're going to be a daddy! Yep, there is a little bun in the oven, a little peanut in the cooker. God is Good!!!

Before you get to where I am today, you have a lot of work you need to do. St. Francis De Sales says “Be who God intended you to be, and be that well.”

You’re a mess right now, ya’ old coot!

How to get to where you want to go

First you need to get serious about praying and make your prayer life a daily habit!!!! Get down on your knees daily and ask the Lord for guidance. If you don’t, you will wander the desert of life with no clear path and no set goals. Actually, pray the rosary. When you start praying the rosary everyday, your life started to change for the better. Our Lady will definitely guide you out of the desert in into the promised land. Oh, and St. Joseph will help you too.

Also, start working on being virtuous. You are going to hit a rough patch in life and everything will start to fall apart. You’ll have to rely on good habits and virtues to help you through. Make your bed every morning and hang your clothes up at night and keep a tidy bedroom.

This might sound silly, but it’s the first baby step you will take to ordering the rest of your life. You’ll start listening to self-help podcasts (you’re going to really like podcasts) and you’ll start fixing your faults, one by one. You’ll become very intentional with everything, and your career will even start take off. You’ll become very driven, and you’ll feel like you can conquer any obstacle. The empowerment will help you to overcome your shyness.

Don't be shy online!

About this shyness...you have to get out of yourself. Man-up and start talking to the ladies. Just because you look a girl’s profile, that doesn’t tell her that you’re interested. You need to message her to tell her you're interested. Even though your future wife will message you first, don’t wait for the ladies to message you. Be proactive and make the first move. Girls really like that, and your future wife will demand it of you. She will make you pursue her; she won't pursue you. So start messaging the ladies.

Actually, I’m going to set a goal for you, message two women every day. You don’t have to write them a novel about your life, just send them a smiley face. If they answer, try to strike up a conversation. If they don’t answer, don’t be discouraged, just send someone else a message. With every rejection you receive, you are one step closer to finding a girl that will go out with you. And with every girl you go out with and every relationship you are in, you're one step closer to finding your beautiful wife.

You also really need to spruce up your profile. You’re not putting your best foot forward and when someone looks at your profile, they will see someone who doesn’t care. And dude, what is up with those pictures?!

Take some pictures that actually make you look attractive and show the world that you do care about your appearance. And take those picture off where you are wearing a hat and sunglasses. For some reason, girls really like to see guys eyes; something about them trusting you if they look you in the eye.

The “about you” section also needs some sprucing up. Write stuff that is optimistic and don’t be so gloomy and pessimistic. No girl wants to be around a guy that is depressing, let alone date him. I know you might be a little depressed and frustrated, but I can assure you if you start thinking positive, you will become a positive person. Make your profile happy and positive.

Beware, there's a lot of heartbreak ahead.

I have some bad news for you….you’ll have a really, really bad breakup. You will date a girl and fall deeply in love with her very quickly. And she will break up with you and cause you an immense heartache. This break up will shake you to your core. You will have trouble trusting girls again and it will be hard for you to get back up into the dating saddle. When the tough times get you down, remember this; the pain of Good Friday ALWAYS comes before the joy of Easter Sunday. You will struggle, and be hurt, and prove yourself before you get to experience the joy of marriage.

You will go out on dates again, so many in fact that it will begin to wear you down. You will be ready to throw in the towel and be single for the rest of your life. You’ll have to endure some really dark days, and lots of temptations, but that is when you will meet your wife. The lessons that you learn from suffering as a single guy will help you in your married life, especially when your pregnant wife rolls over at 2 am and asks you to make her some food.

Hang in there! Keep struggling, keep dating, keep striving for virtue, and keep praying. Remain faithful to the Lord. He will remain faithful to you and answer your prayers.

Make it a great day!!!

Future James