Forget Self-Esteem. Studies Show Self-Mastery Is Best

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Psychological research is just now catching up with two thousand years of Christian wisdom. Surprised by their own research definitely proving that self-esteem isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, psychologists are turning now to the new (for them) concepts of self-mastery and growth in virtue.

We used to think that building self-esteem was the most important thing....

You may remember the “I’m OK, you’re OK” esteem-building craze of the sixties and seventies.

Parents and educators quickly jumped on the self-esteem bandwagon, imagining a new, positive world where nobody would ever struggle with self-doubt or insecurity, and everyone would realize their true potential. . . if only we would hang on our children’s every word, and praise their every achievement.

The culture of self esteem spawned such educational wonders as inventive spelling (just spell the words any way you want, honey!) and new math (don’t worry about memorizing the times tables!)

Until psychologists realized that "building self-esteem" wasn't actually working.

What psychologists are now discovering is that having high self-esteem alone isn’t worth squat. A study by the Brookings Institution in 2006 showed that, although a mere 6% of Korean students expressed confidence in their math skills, they outscored many other nations’ children in math skills. Our uber-confident United States students, however, scored far below many other countries in the international math assessment.

Not only does esteem-building not help, it can even hurt!

In a recent study, college students who had done poorly on midterms were divided into two groups: those who were told to feel good about themselves and those who were urged to study harder. The students who were told to feel good ended up doing even worse on their finals!

Instead, self-mastery is what is really important.

Carol Dweck, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Her research indicates something very surprising and encouraging: individuals with a mindset of seeking mastery and personal challenges (rather than a fixed mindset of “I am intelligent” or “I am talented”) become the truly successful individuals in life.

“Students who are mastery-oriented think about learning, not about proving how smart they are. When they experience a setback, they focus on effort and strategies instead of worrying that they are incompetent,” says Dweck.

Our son who studied engineering at Virginia Tech is a prime example of what Dr. Dweck is talking about. In some of the tough, core engineering courses such as Physics II or Dynamics, he did not feel as confident in his natural gifts as some of the other students. He did not immediately grasp the material. But he did not take this as a sign that he should give up or that he had no future as an engineer.

Instead, he intensified his efforts to master the material. He went directly from class to office hours, spending whatever amount of time necessary asking for help, working with study partners and teaching assistants. He had, Dr. Dweck might say, a mastery-oriented mindset.

The Catholic Church has always taught the importance of self-mastery. (It's in the Catechism!)

We Catholics have known about self-mastery for centuries, ever since St. Paul wrote to the Romans. Of course, St. Paul was not talking about advanced Physics or Dynamics, but self-mastery for growth in freedom: “For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self, but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members!” (Rom 7:23).

St. Paul knew that the more we practice virtue and self mastery, the more we will take delight in the higher goods (the “law of God”), and the less we will be enraptured by the lower pleasures, which lead to what he calls “the law of sin.”

With self-mastery, both freedom and happiness increase.

As the Catechism bluntly states: “[E]ither man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy” (Catechism # 2339). And, as Dr. Dweck’s research also shows: “Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all.” (Catechism #2342).

Self-mastery and growth in virtue increase our freedom, allow us to attain that true confidence that rests in God, and help us realize the high purpose that we are called to, as children of God.

Unlike self-esteem, self-mastery doesn't come from external forces.

The real reason that “I’m OK, you’re OK” doesn’t work, is that true self-esteem does not come from outside of us, but from within. The ultimate source of our dignity is God, who created us in His image. Most importantly, it comes from the deep certainty that we are loved by God, who gives meaning and purpose to our lives.

Existential philosophers, such as Jean Paul Sartre, believed that ultimately, everything is absurd. We can never get beyond our own subjectivity, so ultimately we are quite alone. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, in Introduction to Christianity, acknowledges the human experience of existential dread: it is the fear of being completely alone, abandoned and unloved.

This is because we are made for love. Our “innermost dynamic” is to love and to be loved. Hell is total abandonment and loneliness, with no possibility of love.

Unlike Sartre, however, we believe that Christ conquered death (the ultimate aloneness), descended into hell (abandonment/despair), and opened the gates of heaven—bringing to each of us the possibility of love.

So, how do we develop self-mastery and the possibility of deep love that comes with it?

Journalist Peter Seewald asked Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI (then Cardinal Ratzinger) this question. Seewald points out that we spend a lot of time developing our worldly talents, but very little time spent learning how to love.

Cardinal Ratzinger does not disparage our efforts to develop our skills. He says:

“It is important that we not see our abilities, our vocational training, as being in themselves merely secondary. It is an essential part of man’s calling to develop his capabilities—and only thus can he fulfill his mission of loving. Man is meant to develop and actualize the potential within him; he is meant to do something in this world.”

Our faith by no means despises self-esteem. We recognize that all good things are gifts from God, and that we are meant to use our concrete skills and talents in this world—thereby increasing both mastery and self-esteem. But becoming mastery-oriented and successful will only be truly profitable when we put our achievements and our freedom to good use, in loving service of God and neighbor.

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