5 Things to Know About Your Annulment Questionnaire

Not sure where to begin on your annulment?

A little over two years ago, I was attending a class at our diocesan seminary to become trained and as a lay advocate in annulment cases. Having gone through a divorce myself, I have felt a burning conviction to help other Catholics navigate the same messy things I had to walk through during my own divorce and annulment.

I was struck by something the priest who was our instructor said the first night of class. As one of the tribunal judges, he said it could be beneficial for priests to ask engaged couples the questions that come from the annulment questionnaires.

His reason? The divorce rate among Catholics is no different from the wider secular population. Sadly, many couples do not discuss or have difficult, yet important conversations before getting married.

This made perfect sense to me. Looking back at my own life, I was nowhere ready to get married at the ripe old age of 26. There was so much I did not know about myself which clouded my judgment when it came to choosing a spouse and getting married.

Thankfully, now I know better and in the future when I re-marry, I will make better choices.

If you or someone you know are considering beginning the annulment process, it can feel overwhelming when you first look at the detailed set of questions required to answer. However, as I will explain further, there are reasons for this.

Here are some helpful things to keep in mind as you begin to review the annulment questionnaire:

1. The questions are detailed because marriage is detailed.

I heard a priest friend give me this response when I struggled with certain questions as I worked on my own annulment. The reason the questions are so detailed is that marriage is such a detailed, intimate experience. It will likely feel intrusive for you, and unfortunately, that is part of the process; by its very nature, it has to be this way. Remember, that the Church is doing a detailed investigation into every aspect of your marriage to see if it was truly a sacrament.

The tribunal cannot ask a handful of questions and hope to put together the story from that, which is why it is critical they have as much information as possible from the beginning.

If you are struggling with answering certain questions or find some more triggering than others, talk with your advocate. Find support and encouragement as you navigate each step of the process.

2. Give detailed answers, but stick to the facts.

You cannot be vague when working on annulment questions. If you do not offer enough detail to set the stage, the tribunal could come back to you and ask for more detailed responses, and this will add length to your case. Give detailed answers, but stick to the facts as you knew and experienced them. Do not use this as an opportunity to psycho-analyze your former spouse.

For example, you may write something like “He was a porn addict” but that could mean something different to you than what it means to a judge on your case. It is better to share “He was a porn addict because…" and fill in details from your experience and knowledge. You need to share how it played out in your marriage.

3. Take your time, speak from your own truth.

Do not rush through the process of answering the questions. Don’t think to yourself, Oh I have a weekend without the kids coming up. I can crank this thing out over the weekend and just be done with this. NO! This is one of the worst things you could do.

Take your time, perhaps even pray over the process. I actually answered all of my annulment questions while going to Eucharistic Adoration. For me, I found that very healing.

Be thoughtful and intentional in your answers. Take your time and do not rush. Tell the truth, speak from your own truth.

4. Carefully choose your witnesses.

The importance of carefully choosing witnesses in your annulment case greatly matters. Witnesses will submit their own testimony after answering a specific set of questions sent to them.

You want your witnesses to back up and support what you have shared in your own testimony. You want their testimony to add validity and credence to what you have already stated.

Choose people who personally know both you and your former spouse. The longer length of time you know your witnesses, the better. You want your witnesses to be able to speak to what you have shared about your former spouse.

5. The Church is here to support (not judge) you.

This is the most important thing to remember. Because the annulment process brings up many feelings and can feel so intrusive, it is important to remember why the Church has this process.

The Church is not “doing” this to you to be harsh, critical, or even judge you. The Church is going through an investigation process to decipher if this was even a sacramental marriage to begin with.

From my own experience, I deeply believe that the annulment process exists out of the heart of mercy of Jesus. The annulment process is here to help you heal, name your wounds, and grow from the experience.

While it will feel messy and painful, it is worth it in the end.

You are not the only Catholic navigating the divorce or annulment process.

While it is hard work, going through the annulment process is always worth it in the end.

What was the annulment process like for you?

Where did you experience healing as a result?