The Best Possible Way to Work on Your Annulment

I was a Youth Minister for almost 10 years. At the time of my divorce and annulment, I was winding down in that career path and starting to look for something that would give me more financial stability, since I knew I was going to be on my own soon.

Our youth program met every Sunday night from 7:00-9:00 pm. A few Sundays a month, our leadership team of adults and youth leaders would meet from 5:00-6:30 pm to plan meetings, discuss issues, and have spiritual formation as a group. These gatherings were some of my favorite times. They were often filled with laughter, jokes, and honesty about what God was doing in each of our lives. So very often on Sundays, I was at church most of the afternoon and evening.

Shortly my divorce was finalized, I sent in my application for a declaration of nullity. I had begun working on my application while I waited for my divorce to be finalized, and mailed it to the tribunal several weeks after the divorce went through. I knew I didn’t want to wait to start the process, and figured it was better to begin sooner rather than later.

If you are considering beginning the annulment process, I have one specific piece of advice on how to go about filling out and answering the questions:

Work on it in Eucharistic Adoration.

Do the hard, messy work with Jesus, let Him guide your words. That is exactly what I did. And I am so very grateful I did.

We need to bring our messy, hard work to Jesus too. (Literally, take your laptop into the chapel with you!)

Remember all those Sundays I told you I was at church? Well after the last Mass cleared out, I took my laptop into the Adoration chapel. I logged on, pulled up my questions, and said a prayer to the Holy Spirit: “Give me the words to speak. Let it come from a place of truth and not vindication. Jesus, please use this process as a way to bring greater healing and restoration to my life.” And away I would type.

Sure, I often stopped to cry or sometimes just be angry at Jesus or just let out all those painful, raw emotions. Sometimes I had “choice” words for Jesus. But even in that anger and frustration, it was the best place I could be to start to sort it all out and process.

In all seriousness, doing this hard work in the presence of our Eucharistic Lord was really the absolute best place for me to work on my annulment. And I would encourage you to do the same thing if you are considering starting the process. Why?

Because Jesus is the healer.

Jesus is the Divine Physician, just waiting to replace our broken heart with His.

He is our Divine Physician. When we directly bring to Him our wounds and hurts, He has access to them: access to help us start the healing journey, access to our heart so He can replace our broken heart with His. We acknowledge our neediness before the Lord, how much we need Him, that there is no way to get through this process without Him.

The Eucharist is the greatest gift of being a Catholic Christian. It is a constant reminder to me that God’s presence is always with me, always waiting for me to come closer. Yes, it is a source of great grace. But for me, navigating my own divorce and the annulment process, I really began to see the Eucharist as a very healing tool in my life.

Here are some other helpful tips to encourage you as begin the annulment process for yourself:

1. Ask people to pray for you specifically during the times you plan to work on your application. You are already going through enough. Ask family, close friends, and even your advocate to intercede for you at the exact time you are working on the application. The power of prayer in this process is invaluable.
2. Ask your patron saints or other favorite saints to pray for you.  Similar to the earthly people you love, ask your favorite spiritual cheerleaders to pray for you and protect you in this process. It can feel exhausting at times, so surround yourself with all your earthly and heavenly prayer warriors.
3. Pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy…for yourself and your former spouse. I do not know how your divorce played out. But I do know from my own experience, it can feel easy or safe to be bitter or resentful, or even hate your former spouse. DON’T DO IT! It will just eat you up alive. Forgiving your former spouse is a powerful way to move forward.

Have you gone through the annulment process? What most helpful for you? What was least helpful?

As long as you invite Jesus into the process, you will be in the best hands possible.