How To Tell If Your Boyfriend is Husband Material

No offense gentlemen, but this one is for the ladies.

Ladies, finding the right partner is not about some cosmic event. The clouds will not split open in the sky. Angels will not descend heavenly tunes with trumpets playing in the background. Your eyes will not cross with stars in giddy excitement. In many ways, the signs you are dating a great man (or woman if you’re a man still reading!) is revealed over time, through your deepening relationship and intimacy.

As a Catholic woman in her mid-thirties, I have gone on many dates, with some being better than others.

I have been in several serious relationships over the last few years. Right now, I am dating a wonderful man. In some ways, it has felt very different from other men I have dated before. We are very similar in many ways and balance each other. I am surprised by how good it is to have someone challenge me the way he does; because deep down I know he wishes the best for me and sees the deeper parts of me.

When it comes to dating, we all have the important things we are looking for, the non-negotiables, we desire in a relationship. Those are important because we all need standards.

Whether you are newly dating or in a serious relationship right now, here are a few good indicators that you are dating a good man...

He sacrifices for me.

A good man knows how to sacrifice himself for the other. Ladies, we are not off the hook either, we are called to die to self for the other as well. If we want to know what true love looks like, all it takes is a prayerful gaze at a crucifix. That is real love; this is what real sacrifice looks like. In many ways, I did not always know what it meant to be truly loved until I experienced good men who were willing to make sacrifices for me.

Things to consider: Is the man I am dating willing to make sacrifices for me? Can he model “crucifix love” to me? Does he honor my value, integrity, and worth?

He wills my good.

This is closely connected to the first point. At a talk once, I heard a priest give the explanation of what love is. He described that love wills the good of the other, always. Love is not selfishness. It is not about lust or using others. Love always wills the good of the other.

Love always wills the betterment, the good for the other person. Anything else is selfishness or manipulation.

Things to consider: Does this man will my emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing? Am I treated with respect? Does he uplift and support me? Can this man help me become a better version of myself?

He is a man of faith and character.

While I do not necessarily think a person has to marry and date a Catholic, I do think a shared faith or belief system is very important. In my own life, all the men I have ever dated have been practicing Catholics. Not every man may have the same faith life you do. He may not be going to church or have a strong relationship with the Lord. However, a great man will support you in your faith life.

Similarly to the importance of faith, I think it is important to consider the character of a man. Our character speaks deeply about who we are as an individual and what are the standards by which we try to live our lives. What type of character does this man have?

Things to consider: Does this man support me in my faith life? Does he lead me away or to a deeper understanding of God? Can this man help me become a saint and get to Heaven? Is he honest, trustworthy, and hard working? Do his words match his actions?

He can call me out (and call me to holiness!).

My sister is younger than me by five years, and she used to always say that she saw me ending up with someone who was more like me in terms of personality and temperament. Her reason always went something like this, “Well because I think you need someone who will call you out when necessary, in the process of helping you become a saint!”

I tease her about it now, but I do think she was on to something. Ideally, I think we all want to be with someone who helps us become the best version of ourselves and will help us become a saint. I know this is something I have looked at as important, and I value it in a lifelong commitment.

Things to consider: How does this man help me become a better version of myself? In what ways does he challenge me? Will he help me become a saint? Can he call me to holiness?

The relationship is going somewhere.

Though you should not rush into a serious relationship too quickly, you should have some idea if the man you are seeing has some intention about the future of your relationship. Good men do not string women along. You know where you stand together, and hopefully, where you are heading into the future together.

Things to consider: Is it clear where our relationship stands? Are we heading somewhere together? Does he look forward to sharing the future together?

Long-lasting love is not about finding the “perfect” person.

But, I think there are certain signs or indicators to keep in mind that most Catholic women are looking for. Know what those signs are for you, and be on the lookout!