Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex? There Are a Few Things to Consider

Thinking about getting back together?

Break-ups are hard, and going back to being single is even more difficult after you have been in a long-term relationship.

If you have recently gone through a break-up, the thought of getting back together with your ex may have crossed your mind. You may be asking yourself, why am I exhausting myself with online dating when I can get back together with somebody who I know already, and who already knows me?

But, before you send that “Wanna get coffee?” text, stop and read this article!

Take some time for yourself to recover from the breakup.

You may have heard of the “No Contact Rule” before, and now you are going to hear about it again. The No Contact Rule is the idea that after a break-up, you should go a period of time without contacting each other. This means no calls, messages, meet-ups, or even social media stalking. 

The No Contact Rule is important to follow because it allows you to focus on your own needs and self-improvement without the distractions of what your ex is doing. If your ex hurt you or has toxic behavior, this no contact period is especially important. You need to break your dependency on your ex and focus on yourself again before you should consider getting back together with him or her.

Think of the no contact period as a break-up detox. You need time to reset your brain and your heart before you consider rekindling the relationship. This period should last anywhere between four weeks and the rest of your life.

Ask yourself why you broke up...is it a problem that can be fixed?

After the no-contact period has ended, you may still feel the desire to get back together with your ex. As you reflect on this desire, ask yourself why you broke up in the first place.

Was it due to bad communication, or something unforgivable?

Deal-breakers

Infidelity

If your partner cheated on you, you should not get back together with them. Infidelity is an act of disrespect and shows a lack of moral integrity. As Catholics, we date in preparation for marriage. If somebody is cheating on you while you are dating, you can fairly assume they will cheat on you when married. And once you are married, you can’t just break up! If you caught your partner cheating, you should move on and find somebody who respects you enough to stay faithful.

Different life goals

If you and your ex have completely different life goals, this is not something that can be easily overcome. For instance, if you want children but your ex wants to remain childless, this will not lead to a compatible marriage.

You don’t share the same faith (and there is no willingness to support each other and/or consider converting)

Your spiritual life will become a battleground if you choose to stay in a relationship where your partner does not share the same faith and is unsupportive of your faith life. 

God should be at the center of your relationship, and you and your partner should share common values. With this being said, if you and your ex have different faiths, you will struggle to keep God at the center of your relationship. If your ex has no willingness to learn about your faith or convert, this is an issue to consider. How do you plan to raise future children in a dual-faith, or no-faith household?

But, sometimes, there are some good reasons to get back together!

Sometimes, life happens and good relationships end due to external circumstances. Perhaps one person gets a promotion and must move away for the time being, and long-distance was not an option. Perhaps one or both parties wanted to take some time to work on themselves, and you agreed on an amicable split.

If the relationship is fixable (meaning that there are no deal-breakers) and both parties feel that it is worth another try, it may be worth it to get back together. As long as you and your ex have both taken time to grow individually and improve yourselves, you have a good shot at success.

Talk to your loved ones about your decision.

If you are weighing the pros and cons of getting back together with an ex, it may be prudent to discuss your situation with friends and family. Your loved ones can give you better insight into whether or not this is the best decision for you.

Lastly, be sure to pray about your decision. God has a way of leading us down the right path. Whether the right path for you is to get back together with your ex, or to meet the love of your life on CatholicMatch, He will guide you through it.