Should a Catholic Date a Protestant?

I have a confession: I am dating a Protestant.

My girlfriend was raised Baptist. Her father is an ordained Baptist minister and her mother works for a women’s missions organization. She and her family love God and are dedicated to living genuine Christian lives of service, love, and joy.

I was raised Baptist too. In fact, I first encountered the Gospel and chose to follow Jesus as a teenager in a small Baptist church. Throughout high school and college, I continued to be formed in the evangelical tradition.

Then one Christmas, my dad gave me a biography about the Catholic monk, Thomas Merton. I devoured the book, fascinated by the fact that Merton’s conversion looked nothing like mine, yet he still had clearly encountered the living Christ in a way that changed his whole life. I had the same impression when I read Julien Green’s book God’s Fool about the life of Saint Francis of Assisi.

Before I knew it, I found myself launched on a decade-long journey of prayer and study about Catholicism. Gradually, I came to a point where I realized I wasn’t Catholic, but I wasn’t Protestant anymore either. Many of my spiritual assumptions and beliefs had changed. The truth, goodness, beauty, and logic of the Catholic Church had seduced me.

But letting go of your spiritual heritage, whatever denomination it is, can be hard.

So, for years, I resisted taking the leap and actually becoming Catholic. Finally, the siren song of the Church grew too loud to ignore. I knew I didn’t have it all figured out—and never would this side of Heaven—but I felt God calling me to join the Church. 

I was married at the time. One evening, I sat on the couch with my wife and told her I was going to become Catholic. She was raised in the Wesleyan Christian tradition; I knew she had her own spiritual journey and I respected that. I did not expect her to follow me in joining the Church. But I knew it was what I had to do. Truthfully, I did not see it as converting from one thing to a different thing as much as simply taking the next natural step in my walk with Christ.

I went through RCIA and was received into the Church on Pentecost Sunday in 2007. My wife joined me. Three years later, we divorced. I remained Catholic, and the strength I drew from the Church and its sacraments saw me through that traumatic experience. After a few years, our marriage was annulled.

As I dipped my toes back in the dating waters, I started going out with Catholic women.

I assumed that since I was Catholic now, any woman I dated would have to be Catholic too. Sharing the same beliefs and loyalty to the Church’s teachings had become important to me. I met some great women, but for various reasons, none of us ultimately “clicked.”

Flash forward several years…

I met C. She was intelligent, fun, attractive, and had a genuine relationship with Jesus. But she wasn’t Catholic. Still, we connected on a spiritual level. She was writing her master’s degree thesis on a group of nuns, she read Catholic authors, and she was open to exploring the faith. 

As we continued dating, she started joining me for Mass.

Like me during my long conversion, she didn’t understand all the teachings and trappings of Catholicism. But she was intrigued by it and open to it.

One caveat: as a Christian, I could not date or marry a person who is not a Christian. My faith is too much a part of me to consider—or want—to date someone from a different religion. And personally, I don’t think me and C would work at all if she was staunchly committed to a particular Protestant denomination. If she was not at least open to the idea of Catholicism, I probably would not have been attracted to her. 

But meeting C forced me to do some soul searching. I was falling for her.

But could I sincerely date—and eventually marry—a non-Catholic? There are real differences to consider.

Where would we go to church together? How would we raise any future children? Would we agree on the fundamentals of faith and life?

I realize this is kind of a weird article to even be writing on a dating site for Catholics. But it’s what happened to me, and I just want to share it with you. At minimum, maybe it gives you something to pray and think about, either for yourself or others you know who might be in an inter-denominational relationship.

Maybe one day C will become Catholic. But that will be her choice, not mine.

I don’t encourage “missionary dating,” where you date with the intent of converting the other person to your way of seeing things. That makes the other person a project, not a person. You have to love and respect them where they are, just as God does with each of us.

Besides, it’s always the Holy Spirit, not you, who’s going to convert a person. All we can do is love them and live our own lives as faithfully as we can. 

For now, me and C continue to date. We attend Mass together. We disagree on some things but share a striking commonality on others. As long as we both keep focused on Christ, I believe God will lead us to discern if we should have a permanent relationship. In the words of a song by Christian band, The Normals:

We’re praying that we’ll both know if it’s right

But let’s enjoy

Every moment for its time

Why do I share all this? It’s not to tell you what to do.

You have to do your own soul searching, work, and prayer to discern what God wants for you.

Find out what’s important to you. Know what your deal breakers are. Seek the counsel of wise friends and family who know both you and the person you’re dating. Above all, pray. And remember what Saint Paul said in Colossians 3:14-15:

“And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.”