God the Father: Someone to be Feared or Loved?

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As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him. - Psalm 103:13

My dad was not a good role model. He was more interested in surrounding himself with empty cans of Budweiser than showing compassion. My father offered a range of exactly two experiences: rage or neglect. So, you could say the second part of the verse is true: I feared him.

My father was more Old-Testament Father than an all-benevolent source...

In my twenties, when I first became a Christian, I had to reconcile my experience of God the Father, with my father, the self-made god. I had a hard time understanding God, the Father, as an all-benevolent source. The Old Testament God, the One who gets a bad rap, lighting bolt in hand, ready to smite me for my disobedience, was way more understandable. He was a visceral reminder of my childhood. Yet, unlike the Old Testament God, my father’s anger was never rational or with cause. It just was.

Of course, through sit-coms and reruns of Little House on the Prairie, I had an idea of what fathers should be like. But I had very little expectation of what a father would be like.

So how was I to discern a husband? The father to my future children?

I knew the prognosis for people like me finding and discerning the right man to marry was not good. I felt the weight of that burden as my first marriage dissolved for all reasons pointing to that initial wound. As a “baby” Christian, I was all-too eager to die to self, to leave my mother and father behind, to become the new wineskin in which new wine was poured. But what did that mean, exactly? Can we really escape our past?

For me, coming to know the nature of God the Father meant grieving the failings of my own father. Of course, no human can ever measure up to God. But I needed to accept that the person who was supposed to model wisdom and protection for me did not do his job. So I fired him. By releasing my father from his responsibility, I allowed God to come in to my life and become the better role model.

God is my true Provider and Protector. And I can rely on Him.

With God the Father as my provider and protector, my own father could no longer lord his influence over me. By learning to put my trust in Him, I allowed the right kind of love to enter into my life. I learned to see myself through my Father’s eyes, not my father’s. And man, what a difference.

I used to think that my own sense of fierce independence was the solution to my troubled relationships. If I didn’t have to rely on anyone, I wouldn’t be disappointed right? Right?? With the help of God the Father, I started to see my own need to be guided and protected. Over time, I learned to trust. I learned to rely. I still didn't put much expectation on human men, but by turning to God, I acknowledged the valid need.

Today, I am happily married to a good man. He is a good father who reflects the warm and protective love and guidance demonstrated by his Father. By turning toward God the Father, I was able to recognize His influence in my husband’s life as well. Knowing that my husband seeks and answers to the same fatherly guidance as I do has meant a world of difference to someone like me.

It means I am not bound by my past or my disappointing lineage. It means I answer to someone who truly wants the best for me. And while my journey includes some serious boundaries and saying no to toxic people in my life, it is because of the influence God the Father had on me that allowed me to trust the right people.

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