How to Fight Your Fears of Growing Old and Remaining Single

Some of the most stressful things I have ever experienced as a single person are the fears that come up just when I thought I was doing well.

It’s the nagging worry at night that suddenly fills my head and I couldn’t sleep anymore. It’s the abrupt feeling of loneliness that dampens my mood just when I’m enjoying the ambiance of my favorite coffee shop.

If you’re single like me, you may know what I mean.

It’s not that I always feel anxious about the future or that I often have doubts about myself. There are just these moments that creep up on you, moments that could linger if you don’t find the remedy to keep them away.

What are these fears single people often have?

1.  Worries about our financial stability.

While married people have a lot of expenses, they also have resources single people do not have.  Married people, first of all, have each other. They can work together towards their financial goals. Even in the far future, their children can help support them when they grow old.

For single people, we must rely on ourselves both for our present and future needs. We must be ready to support ourselves when we finally retire from our work.

2.  Fear of not finding our lifetime companion.

It’s that fear of being alone for life. Of not having anyone to spend your days and nights with. Of not having children you can raise and teach and love. These are real concerns about the kind of life we could have if we fail to find the partners we’re looking for.

We’re human beings made from love and for love. The hunger for companionship is only natural to experience one way or the other. It was Mother Teresa herself who said, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

3. Doubts about our sense of worth.

It’s not easy to remain single and not to doubt even for a moment your sense of worth. While people with children can easily find this just by looking at their children, single people need to look somewhere else. If we can’t find it in the eyes of our partners and our kids, where do we find the value of who we are?

4.  Fear of not finding our purpose in life.

This one is tied to our sense of worth. We can sometimes feel insecure because we can’t attach our value to something that’s easily seen.

Married people can find their purpose in supporting and loving their families. Priests and nuns can find it in their religious vocation. For us who are single, we need to look somewhere else. We need to believe that our lives have meaning even if we can’t readily identify with traditional roles in life. 

Can’t we just shrug it off?

Yes, of course. We can shrug them off and simply take no notice of them. That is, until they come back!

While there are times we shouldn’t dwell upon these things, I think it isn’t wrong to reflect upon them once in a while.

Reflecting upon these fears would:

1.  Help us address any current problems we need to face.

2.  Assist us in gaining better security for our future.

3.  Take away the power of these negative thoughts from bothering us again.

Claim power over your fears.

"For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control." - 2 Timothy 1:7

Admitting our momentary fears does not mean that we should let them have power over our lives. We should instead take control of them, offer them to God in prayer, and turn them into channels of blessings for our lives.

Here are some of the things you can do to overcome the fears of a single life:

1.  Strengthen your financial condition.

Being single does not mean we’re already powerless to take care of our finances. If God has not given us our life partner yet, He will provide a means to sustain us in life. We should, however, do our part in making sure we have sufficient income for the future.

Some activities that can help you attain financial stability:

a.  Invest in your education

Take another course to make an advancement in your career. You can also take special lessons to support a side hustle for additional income.

b.  Save money

Don’t spend everything. Leave some for your retirement years.

c.  Find a passive source of income

You can seek safer forms of investments. You can also discover new hobbies like building your website or publishing a book where you can get passive income later on.

2.  Build a support system.

Your support system can consist of your family and old friends. You can also make new ones who can be depended upon through good and bad times. Don’t forget the people in your church who share your faith.

If you have hobbies, you can find like-minded people who can share with you the things you enjoy most. Why not engage in your favorite sport? If you’re an introvert like me, you can consider joining a book club.

Being single does not mean you’ll always be alone. Remember that besides the people you have on earth, you also have your guardian angel and the saints in heaven. They’re your invisible friends helping you and praying for you.

3.  Spend more time in prayer.

Spend more time with God, the One who loves you most. Did He not send His only begotten Son for you? That’s how much you are worth!

Babies aren’t doubtful about their worth. Their worth isn’t questioned even though they haven’t learned to do a single thing yet. But we know they are precious just because they are.

“May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

―Teresa of Ávila

4.  Keep yourself busy in works of charity.

Romantic love is not the only type of love there is. In the old times, love was also known as charity. If we concern ourselves with works of charity, we forget those doubts that keep us from doing our mission in life. Wherever you may be, remember that it is God’s purpose for you to love. Love Him and love other people around you. What greater purpose could there be? Whether you’re a nun, a married person or a single one, you can always find ways to love and to be holy.

“Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” - St John Paul II 

Being honest with our fears can help us grow.

By admitting them, we may be urged to address some things we may be ignoring for a long time.

Whenever you feel a certain fear, offer it at once to God. He is your Healer and your Friend. He knows what goes on within your heart.

It may not be an easy journey. But with God’s help, you can find the courage and the strength to overcome every obstacle. No one will ever take away from you the sense of dignity and worth that God Himself has given you.

“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”- Helen Keller

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine.” - Isaiah 43:1