8 Ways to Protect Your Mental Health While Dating

Chances are if you’re single and dating (or trying to date), mental health is on your radar.

Let’s face it, dating is hard!

It most definitely can take a toll on your mental health, sometimes so severely that we wonder if it’s worth it.

While I promise you that it is, here are a few tips to keep in mind as you forge on in what can be, at times, the tumultuous road of dating:

1) Find Acceptance.

There are a lot of difficulties to dating (no, it’s not just you) that are inherent to the process. Dating is a vulnerable phase—which is exactly what can lead us to hurt. However, it’s also what gives us the hope of something so incredibly rewarding.

Rather than fighting the inevitable ups and downs of dating, accept them as a normal part of the process. What is in your control vs. what is out of it? Make peace with the areas you can respond to and let go of the desire to control aspects that you simply can’t.

2) Notice vs. Assign.

When those ups and downs come, create some space from them by noticing vs. assigning. For example, “I notice that I’m anxious to go on this first date” vs. “I’m so anxious.” “I notice that I really like this person” vs. “I really like this person!”

By noticing, you become an observer of your reactions and emotions versus consumed by them. This helps to take the pressure off of yourself and to be curious about your reactions versus labeled by them. It may seem small, but this simple act will help you order your feelings versus being controlled by them.

3) Stay in the here and now.

Yes, I know, that is so hard to do when dating! However, if you start to plan your future with a person after a few exchanges or a date or two, you grieve so much more than what has actually happened if it ends up not working out.

Challenge yourself to stay in the here and now, and if/once it becomes official, let yourself make plans! But discipline yourself to refrain from it while you’re still meeting and getting to know the person. If he/she is the one for you—the fun of planning is just around the corner, and if he/she is not—you’re left with a lot less heartbreak when you part ways.

4) Continually work on yourself.

Challenge yourself to become a better version of yourself than you were last year, or even last week. This rule applies to all phases of life, but I think holds special credence during your single years. It is very easy to assign our worth to our relationship status or how many hits our dating profile got.

However, if your worth is rooted in a consistent relationship with Christ through prayer, and a solid sense of self manifested in efforts towards improving your physical health, relationships with others, personal interests, financial stability, and endeavors in your career, then the valleys of dating won’t hold as much influence over your self-worth. Rather than resorting to “what’s wrong with me?” you’ll continue to feel motivated and trust that the right person is on their way.

5) Beware of negative thought patterns.

We’re all prone to ANT’s (automatic negative thoughts), so become aware of yours and challenge them. Do you tend towards ‘always/never’ thinking (“I never get asked out”), focusing on the negative (zeroing in on what went poorly on a date vs. acknowledging the good), fortune-telling (“I’ll be single forever”), black-and-white thinking (“all men stink”) …? I could go on and on.

The point is, negative thoughts are a human condition, but if you work to notice and gain awareness of yours, you can challenge and redirect them. Dating is hard enough, you don’t need the help of ANT’s to beat yourself up in what is already a vulnerable process.

6) Stay physically pure.

Our emotions go where our bodies lead, and being physically affectionate bonds you to another person (this isn’t just me...science backs this!). This bonding is great, beautiful, and necessary when you’re in a committed relationship. However, when it happens prematurely, it can lead to greater heartbreak.

By no means am I against physical affection, but I caution you to use it wisely. When in doubt, refrain. (And remember that sexual physical affection should be reserved for marriage). I have never heard of anyone regretting holding off on physical affection until a date or two later, but often hear of regretting going too far too soon. Know your standards when it comes to physical affection and be committed to them!

7) Keep your friends involved.

You will need the support of your friends no matter how a date or relationship works out—can they support you when the going gets tough? But also, can they support you when the going gets good? Can they celebrate as well as commiserate with you?

Find people like this and surround yourself with them in your dating process. More importantly, be this person to those in your life as well! We’re not meant to walk the dating journey (which can already be so isolating) alone.

8) Enjoy this time.

Yes, you heard me, enjoy. I promise that if you are working on yourself, you will not be the one exception of the person who never finds someone. You will find the right person, and as paradoxical as it sounds, there will be parts of this phase of life that you’ll miss. So don’t wish the time away, but embrace it, challenge yourself to grow because of it, and look forward to the future with hope.

So, there you have it, a handful of ways to continue searching for your future spouse while also guarding your mental health. Dating is heard, don't make it any harder by jeopardizing your mental wellness along the way.