Be Bold in Pursuing Your Spouse

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Chris Stefanick, emcee for the upcoming Encounter Steubenville Young Adult Conference, urges singles to be bold in pursuing their vocation. Stefanick, a 15-year veteran in youth ministry, makes presentations around the country to teens and adults. He has been described by Archbishop Charles J. Chaput as “one of the most engaging young defenders of the Christian faith on the scene today.” Stefanick is the president and founder of Real Life Catholic, an organization committed to igniting “a bold, contagious faith in the heart of every Catholic in America.” So how does that translate in the life of a single Catholic?

St. John Paul II said, “Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” Do not be afraid. Fear can prevent us from making bold moves in our lives. We fear rejection. We fear leaving our communities. We fear commitment. We fear change. Stefanick points out, “You have a vocation to follow Jesus in a specific way. If you are called to marriage, make it happen. Be more aggressive.”

But how? The vocation to marry seems an odd thing to be ambitious about. But sadly, many singles resign themselves, taking the approach, “If God wants me to find the one, it will just happen, right?” Yes, hope and trust, but also act! First of all, use all your resources to meet people. Not every parish has a vibrant Catholic singles community. But there are many that do. Join your parish for activities. Read online or in the newspaper for Catholic singles events in your diocese. Join a pro-life organization where you will find like minded (hopefully single!) Catholics. Go to singles conferences, retreats, and meetings. Find a local Theology on Tap. Don’t have ANY of those things? Start them! Just don’t stay at home every night watching Netflix expecting to meet “the one.”

Haven’t met that special person? While you are waiting, work on the aspects of yourself that will make you a better date and a better spouse. Work on your prayer life. Heal past wounds. Open your heart to a self sacrificial love through charity and volunteering. Another important point is to make sure you have realistic expectations. Stefanick cautions, “Be less of a perfectionist.” Building up unattainable dreams of the perfect person can be an impediment to finding not only a spouse, but finding someone to date. Recognizing this is important. Take courage when sending a message through online dating. Stefanick says “For those afraid, just do it. Online dating gives you safety even when you realize you are not interested.”

Have realistic expectations towards the people you date, but also the feelings you have for someone. Stefanick says, “When people are older, they have an expectation that they will be swept off their feet like a 20-year-old. But the reason why 20-year-olds are swept off their feet is because they are emotionally unstable. They are not standing on firm ground. That’s why they’ll cling to a person with their whole being. Even if that person is not the right one. But the truth is as we get older, falling in love feels like finding a best friend. And there is a depth to that. That’s a good thing.”

Once you make a connection with someone, don’t delay in taking the next step. Stefanick says, “The quicker you can get offline and in person, the better. The internet is less human. You can start your interactions online, but don’t stay there.” The importance of finding out if you are well suited with another requires bold action. “Buy the $300 plane ticket and do it soon. Don’t wait. So you have to spend the $300? It may cost a bit, but it will cost more emotionally if you wait and find out that you are not compatible later on.”

The search for a spouse can sometimes be discouraging, but take heart that you are doing everything possible to make it happen. After that, it takes bold faith, having the courage to trust in God. Christ said, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you receive it, and you will” (Mark 11:22-24).

Stefanick will be emceeing the Encounter Steubenville Young Adult Conference in St. Louis, MO May 29-May 31. The conference is a chance to step away from the computer, television, and phone and instead have an encounter: not only with each other but most importantly with Christ. “For 48 hours,” Stefanick explains, “you have a chance to invest in the meaning of life and the fundamental questions: Why do I exist? What makes me happy? Those are the questions that we need the right answer. Those questions are always worth the time.”

For more information and to register for the conference click here

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