I Got Sick of Praying For A Husband

“You seem content in being single,” he said to me over a plate of eggs in downtown Manhattan. 

I cocked my head to the side. No one had ever said this to me before, but as I reflected on our first-date conversation up until this point, I understood what he meant. 

I had spent a portion of the brunch date sharing who I was and how exciting my year had been – my first book release, a new job, new car, a new apartment, (a new cat). I was bursting with what felt like a brand new life. 

“Well,” I said, “I certainly have my down days where I wish I wasn’t single. I guess I’d rather be happy and alone than miserable and with the wrong person.” 

“For me, it is hard being single,” he shared. He explained that his singleness had impacted his faith life as well – making it difficult to remain hopeful in God.

This was the first time a date had ever been so candid about the ache of being single

Truthfully, the fear of being single “forever” had haunted me for many years – just not as much in 2023. And that’s the thing about being perpetually single: some months (or years) are harder than others. For me, last year was full of novelty and new beginnings. I was far too busy and grateful to stop and dwell on not being married yet.

But as the New Year approached, I felt that nagging ache return and the words of my date swirled in my mind.

People have asked me about my dating life and whether I’m seeing anybody. At the beginning of 2024, I couldn't think about it. I couldn’t even pray about it anymore. I wonder if my fellow single folk have felt the same way – the complete and utter fatigue of praying and hoping for the same thing that never seems to happen. 

Do you ever get sick of your own prayers?

Sick of hearing your own repetitive request? I got to a point where I couldn’t even hear my own internal dialogue, imploring God and His Saints to let the right man walk into my life. 

I’d normally lay in bed at night and pray for my future husband – but I simply couldn’t get out the words to ask for it one more time. I had prayed every novena, offered up my Masses, my rosaries, etc., and I suddenly realized, “I need to give it a rest. God knows the desires of my heart. He’s heard me.” 

As Catholics, we’re told to pray without ceasing. But I couldn’t help but feel like my specific prayer had become obsessive and unhealthy in how all-consuming it was. I was of the mindset that all prayer must be good, but I was ignoring the psychological reality of what I was doing to myself. My prayer life was a broken record. A one-sided conversation. No wonder I was sick of hearing my own relentless requests! 

I believed that if I prayed enough rosaries, I would eventually convince God to send my husband

Nothing like thinking you can strong-arm God with prayer! I couldn’t accept that, for whatever reason, the answer from God was “no” or at least “not right now.” 

So, I stopped the broken record. I stopped praying to meet my husband and I began praying for others. I swapped out, “please God, lead me to the right man” to “please make my nieces and nephews healthy, happy, and holy,” “please provide comfort and safety to those in war-torn countries,” “please help the soul who has been in purgatory the longest.” 

I felt released from my incessant personal demands. I found myself focusing on ways God had answered so many of my prayers already, instead of ways He was “coming up short” in my life. 

It ultimately helped me to undo the control I was trying to assert over God’s will

The biggest change was simply stopping the pattern of obsessive thinking and dwelling on what I was lacking. Changing that mindset helped me to approach praying for my vocation in a different way. Rather than obsessing over what I wanted, I was able to honestly communicate the desires of my heart to God while trusting in His plan for my life. When I stopped living in the fantasy of what my life “could be” with a spouse, I was finally able to be in the present moment and love the life I had been given.

Being single for so long tests your faith as a Catholic

Some of us have been praying the same prayer for 15+ years. I can’t be certain that God will ever send the spouse I have prayed for. But with every year I remain single, the more I gain perspective on God’s will and experience gratitude for where He’s led me. 

I’ve learned that singleness can be a hard cross to bear, but it’s easier to carry when you stop obsessing over how to get rid of it and focus on Who’s walking beside you. What love is being offered to you right now?