Dating Comes With a Risk: But, It's Worth It!

Yes, dating is not always easy.

From my own experience to my girlfriends’ experiences to my sibling’s experiences to almost every story I hear about dating today, one truth continues to hold: Dates are a lot to get ready for. 

It’s not just about showing up. And especially with online dating, the steps are tenfold. It’s about creating your own profile, and looking for someone you “match” with, and then talking with them to see if you truly could match up with them, and then breaking that barrier and making in-person plans, and then carrying through with those in-person plans, and then connecting with them (or finding all of a sudden there isn’t really a connection) on that date, and then following up from there.

Does a second date deserve to be written in the books? How soon does that second one come? Do you ask to see them again or do you wait for them to ask you? Do you say that at all?

Whether you’ve been on multiple dates and are wondering when your last first date will come around, or you’re on the other end of the spectrum—you haven’t been on a first date in a long time, or at all, and you are anxious to just go on one so the waiting is over… daunting feelings can creep in. There’s no promise that the date will be successful—it’s just the natural risk you take when you go on a date!

But I am here to offer that this is okay.

At the very least, you are getting to know more people, getting to know yourself better, and enjoying a fun time with another person. At the most, they are a step in the path of fulfilling your vocation—whether that be married, consecrated or single life—and therefore, every date you go on has a purpose.

There will always be a risk in meeting a new person. It’s innate. It comes with the territory. 

BUT… there are some ways to combat the daunting feelings.

Through my own experience, and from experience of many, many girlfriends, here are some tips to help.

Remind yourself that this is just a date.

And with that comes a lighter tone. There doesn’t have to be a confirmation of if this is your future spouse within the first few hours of meeting them. This is just meeting them, just talking with them. If they are meant to be your future spouse, the Lord will not let you miss out on them!

Silent moments can be natural, and they can be overcome.

Encountering a silent moment does not mean that this person is no longer a good fit for you. There are times where they could be an indicator that you two just don’t mesh well, but this isn’t always the case.

And what do you do when you encounter one? Stick to the easy, light-hearted questions! Change the topic. Begin to share more about yourself. Just because the conversation needs help here and there doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way!

Awkward moments make the best memories.

You may fall into awkward situations, it may not always “get better,” but you will get better at laughing at yourself and knowing it’s just how the Lord made you. Worst case scenario, you don’t have to see this other person ever again, and best case scenario, you meet someone who is able to laugh with you (and not at you).

And lastly… confidence goes further than you think.

You are worthy of relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you different. And when you adjust your worthiness to WHOSE you are, instead of who is interested (or not interested) in you, all of a sudden… those negative thoughts don’t matter as much. Because they most definitely didn’t come from your Heavenly Father.

Hopefully this helps lighten your perspective.

It's true that dating isn’t always fun. But it also very much could be. Ironically, when trying to find someone to spend the rest of your life with (a serious matter, one could say), it’s actually really helpful to take yourself less seriously. The goofier I allowed myself to be, the more I felt like myself. It is exhausting trying to be someone else on a date when all you want is authenticity! 

So remember, just as you would act encouragingly towards a friend going on a date, make sure to use the same language toward yourself, too!