Let's face it...
Unless you belong to a lucky 0.001% of the population, you probably won’t marry the first guy you date.
And, that’s far from the worst thing in the world; it’s good to interact with men on the level that comes with even a single date. By going out on lots of dates with lots of different guys, you'll get better at dating so by the time you meet Mr. Right...you'll be ready! You’ll learn a little more about guys, and probably a little more about yourself throughout the dating process.
That being said, you may feel uncomfortable when you have to tell the interested gentleman that, unfortunately, he won’t end up saying family Rosaries with you someday.
So, how do you break this news to him?
You might find the prospect unpleasant. After all, he put himself out there and made himself vulnerable because he was interested in YOU. You hate the thought that by rejecting him you could make him feel inadequate. So how do you, to use a cliche, “let him down easy”?
The first thing to keep in mind is the need to be honest with the gentleman. It may be tempting to try to soften the blow by saying something along the lines of, “I think you’re great, but I feel that there’s stuff I need to focus on with myself right now, etc.” Now, that might very well be true. But, most of the time, when men receive this line, they find it inauthentic, because most of the time, it is just what women say to avoid hurting men’s feelings.
After all, if the man of your dreams wanted to date you, would you still feel that you had to spend more time working on yourself? You might, if you believed God was calling you to briefly step away from the dating scene. But, most of the time, the answer to the question is “no”, and men know it. So, it’s better to avoid the phrase, even if it’s true.
Be honest.
First off, it does not mean you always have to tell the man what specifically is keeping you from being interested in him. You don’t have to say, “I think you’re a nice guy, but you talk about such and such all the time, and I find it less riveting than my 9th-grade math class.” Being honest simply means telling the man in plain and direct language that you simply aren’t interested.
If you’ve only gone on one date, or maybe just messaged each other a little bit, you can keep it pretty simple: “I think you’re a good guy, but I don’t see this going further.” Men appreciate direct, honest responses.
Discern the details.
Now, if you’ve already gone on a few dates with the gentleman, then it might be worth including a little more detail behind your decision (though not always). For example: let’s say you’ve gone on a couple of dates with a guy. You enjoy talking with each other, and a mutual attraction clearly exists. However, you determine that you each have very different ideas about how to raise children, and you (the woman) decide that this is a deal-breaker.
In a situation like this, it makes sense to include a little more detail when you tell him you don’t want to go on any more dates. You can say something along the lines of, “Hey, I think you’re a lot of fun, and a good guy, and attractive on top of all that. But, the guy I marry has to see eye-to-eye with me on this aspect of parenting. Since you and I have such different views on it, a relationship between us won’t lead to marriage, and it’s best that we end the relationship now.”
That might not be what he was hoping to hear, but he will appreciate the honesty, and he won’t feel like the breakup is coming out of nowhere.
It can be hard saying “no” to someone.
You might fear that in doing so you will hurt their self-esteem or cause them some other sort of emotional pain. Keep this in mind though: when the gentleman first asked you out, he knew he was risking being turned down.
The fact of the matter is that being turned down is just part of the process when a man is trying to find his future wife. And, frankly, that’s not a bad thing.
Every man needs to develop enough self-confidence to not feel that his worth is based on a woman’s interest in him.
Every man needs to have the courage to risk pain in seeking something worthwhile.
You turning him down is simply an event that can be part of a positive character development for him, a character development that will better prepare him for his future vocation, whatever that may be!
Find Your Forever.
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