It's Time to Breakup With Gossip

I can still remember how much of an effect circulating words had on a past relationship in which I was in.

The man I was dating at the time had found himself stuck between rumors, and I got caught up in the mess as well. It really began to take a toll on us and eventually, the relationship was strongly focused solely on the rumors. I found myself constantly second-guessing everything he was saying, doubting his words, and even engaging with those who were saying these things about him to try and get a better understanding of what was going on.

This, of course, only made the situation worse and it even made it so that my significant other and I constantly argued. We had to take a pause and realize what the gossip was doing to our newly formed relationship. 

At a time where we were supposed to enjoy getting to know each other better and making new memories, we were instead caught in lies.

As soon as we realized what the gossip was doing to us, we had to take measures.

We distanced ourselves from the people who were saying these things and we sat down and had a good, calm, and collected conversation regarding the words. Ultimately, with time it came to light that everything that was being said about him was blown out of context from one ear to another and the words ended up all being false.

The Catechism defines Gossip (the sin of detraction) as having the following effect, “without an objective valid reason, it discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them” (CCC 2477). This short but very true statement speaks volumes as to how gossip not only affects the person you are speaking of but how it can also affect those whom the person surrounds themselves with. 

Too easily and sometimes even without thought we engage in gossip, exaggerations, and uncharitable observations. With our tongue, we can instill fear, spread misinformation, discourage, and even ruin reputations. This can really take a toll on someone and even affect their relationships and friendships if it gets out of hand. We can surely cause great harm with our tongues, which is a gift capable of so much good. Discretion and prudence are very important, and if we lose sight of those traits, we may find ourselves hurting someone unintentionally. 

It is true that sometimes we need to have necessary conversations about others who are not present.

Situations where this can occur are when we are seeking advice about how to handle a specific situation. Or we may find ourselves needing encouragement in dealing with a difficult person. However, in cases like these, we need to limit the scope of our conversations to what is absolutely necessary, and include only those who truly need to be included during the discussion.

It is also important to note that there is a difference between gossiping and venting to a trusted friend with the intent of seeking their advice or trying to reach a positive conclusion.

Gossip can slowly creep into your relationship and begin to peel away at old wounds. It can cause you to feel low self-esteem, lower your confidence, and even question your values. In return, this will also affect the person you are dating. Gossip can even reach a point where it can really tear your relationship down and cause a very bad breakup.

This tension can manifest itself in so many ways. Perhaps you will begin to question and lose trust in things your partner says. You may start finding yourself having limited patience when speaking to your significant other. This can really take a toll on your relationship and lead you to hurt not only yourself but the one you are in a relationship with as well.

Communication amidst gossip is very valuable.

It is necessary that both parties voice their emotions and thoughts regarding the gossip that is being spread. You may have to have a serious conversation, ask questions, and confront each other regarding the gossip. It is very important to not allow yourself to jump to conclusions and assume that the words being spread about your relationship are true. 

One has to be mindful to not allow the peace that was there before the gossip to disappear. The gossip can either make or break your relationship. If, for example, you choose to allow the gossip to consume your thoughts and give in to it by believing it—it will lead to you eventually leaving your significant other or vice versa.

On the other hand, if you choose to react in a calm manner, speak to your significant other, and resolve the gossip, then it can actually make your relationship stronger and set a better foundation for any sort of future issues amongst you too.

Here are some helpful tips to now allow gossip to interfere with your relationship:

1. Give your significant other the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best and not the worst until you have the facts.

2. Do not jump to conclusions and assume that the words being spread are the truth. Confront your significant other in a calm manner and listen to what they have to say.

3. Do not go behind your significant other's back and try to play investigator. Go to them directly and have a conversation regarding the gossip.

4. Try to find the positive and good in the situation.

5. Always remember that you are responsible for your words. 

When finding ourselves in a situation where perhaps we may be tempted to engage in gossip, we should try to remind ourselves of Ephesians 4:29, that says—“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up.” This is a wonderful reminder that we can really hurt others and their loved ones with our words and that we need to be mindful of what we say, when we say it, and how we say it.