The 3 Stages of Dating & Romantic Relationships

Do you know the three stages of dating? All dating relationships go through stages, and they all seem to have universal traits in common. Whether you've just met someone and are beginning to get to know each other or you've been together for a while now, it's important to be aware of where your relationship is and, of course, where it is going next. Keep reading for the 3 stages of love in relationships. 

Why You Need to Know About The 3 Stages of a Romantic Relationship

Most studies focus on five romantic relationship stages and others would argue there are as many as nineteen. I think they consolidate all of those into three general but distinct stages which I will lay out for you now. It’s critical for our relationships that we understand these. A failure to grasp why our soul, psyche, and emotions may be responding in a certain way could lead us to commit too soon…or to walk out too soon. Luckily, the phases of romantic relationships are very straightforward and are easily recognizable. 

What Are the 3 Stages of Dating?

While they may sound intimidating, don't worry, they're not! Keep in mind, these categories are very general for Catholic dating. There is no one size that fits all with these. So, don't stress about whether or not you feel like you and your significant other fit the mold for these dating stages perfectly. But, without further ado, here is a breakdown of what to expect during the three levels of dating relationships...

Attraction & Romance: The Honeymoon Stage Of Dating

This is the very first stage in the 3 stages of a relationship. This starts with the most basic prerequisite—becoming aware that the other person exists. This is the very beginning of the stages of dating. If you are using online dating through CatholicMatch, that presumably means clicking a profile, planning a first date, or using one of the Catholic pick up lines. The Attraction & Romance stage moves on through infatuation and the emotions that most of us mistake for love at some point in our lives. It includes that magical first kiss and the first time saying “I love you.” 

In the early stages of a relationship, you’re also experiencing a rush. The chemical dopamine is released into the brain and gives you the feeling of being on a high. That special someone looks perfect and you can’t imagine ever seriously disagreeing with them or being without them—even though you were just two weeks ago. When you start dating someone new, everything can seem perfect. After all, we don't call it the honeymoon phase for nothing! But, it's important to keep your feelings in check as the relationship progresses. 

The high points of this dating phase:

This can be a time of profound spiritual consolation. When we find the path God has laid out for us, He often chooses to entice us with warm feelings and a sense of being whole. A seminarian may find their vocation by being lovestruck at Mass or in Adoration. And the same thing can happen with a man and a woman.

The combination of chemical hits to the brain and possible spiritual consolations can be heady stuff. Most of us are also conditioned by Hollywood to think this is where the journey ends even though it is really just the beginning stages of dating! 

Problems that arise during this phase of dating:

When you are in this stage, it means that is now time for serious discernment to begin. This isn't always easy, though!

This means using reason. God’s will always has unity between the head and heart. And when in doubt, the head must come first. See what your friends and family think of your new dating partner. You’re getting input from someone whose brain isn’t flooded with dopamine.

What about those spiritual consolations, though? Surely if God is inviting you down a path, you have to follow it, right? That’s true, but all warm feelings are not necessarily spiritual consolations. It’s also possible they may be consolations on the natural level. If you’ve been alone for a long time, having a companion fills a natural void. If you feel unappreciated, having someone see your good points fills a natural void. And simply a nice hug can fill a natural void.

These are all good things and from God, but they come from Him indirectly. You might simply be seeing where the voids are in your life rather than getting Divine direction to date and marry this particular person.

Reality Check (When Does Dating Turn Into A Relationship?)

The next stage goes from casual dating to a new relationship! That's right, a real relationship complete with all the ups and downs of being committed to someone. By this second stage of dating, you two will have deleted your dating apps and stopped seeing other people by this point.

While going from dating to relationship is exciting, it can also be a little anti-climatic. Now the relationship may seem to have hit a wall. The most obvious characteristic of this stage is that you see all the flaws in your significant other—or if you did see them before, they’re just more irritating now rather than charming. The dopamine hits have stopped, but the love is still very much there. This can be an awkward stage at first, but if you push through it, it will be worth it! 

The high points of this dating phase:

While many parts of stage two may seem negative, this is actually a wonderful stage to be in! You and your significant other are so comfortable (and committed) to each other that it is okay to have disagreements and become annoyed with one another! While that may not sound romantic, it actually can be. Getting to this relationship stage means the two of you are in a real long-term relationship...and that's a very big deal! 

Problems that arise during this phase of dating

Fears and baggage can fill the vacuum the dopamine left behind. Previous heartbreaks come to mind and you’re worried you’ve set yourself up again. Maybe this person has some characteristics that remind you all too much of a negative individual from your past. Perhaps power struggles over petty things are flaring up.

The spiritual dynamic has also changed. You feel as though God is absent. You’re experiencing spiritual desolation.

In our feelings-driven culture, this is where relationships end. And that might well be appropriate. But just like the first stage, when you’re flush with good feelings, your emotions can also be deceiving in this stage, and you again need to rely on the power of reason and the strength of outside input.

If there’s something that reminds you of a person from the past, talk through it with someone. Write it down. It’s possible the similarity might just be on the surface and you simply need to work through an emotional trigger.

Examine your expectations of a healthy relationship—are you looking for something that no real-life human being is capable of giving? Run that by people who are in successful marriages who can help discern what you need to live with and what shouldn’t be accepted.

And on the spiritual level, simply because God feels absent, doesn’t mean that He is. God is not above using the consolations of the early stage to get us where He wants us to be, and then suddenly ripping out the rug from beneath us. Not because He is capricious, but because He is inviting us to a deeper communion with Him by working a little harder on our spiritual life. The romantic relationship stages are simply the platform God is using to work with us. 

Watch for mental dryness. Mental dryness is akin to being in the desert with Our Lord—it’s a time of purification and a sign that you’re being prepped for something special.

Stability & Commitment: The Serious Stages Of Dating Relationships

This is where the real happy ending comes. For CatholicMatch members, this likely means engagement and a lifetime commitment. You’ve been through some trials with your significant other and are settled in. You know each others' flaws. You’re not looking for your spouse to make everything in your life dreamy and perfect. You’re settled and ready to go through ups and downs together because you both agree that you've finally found true love in one another. In short, you've come to the agreement that you are each others' soulmate.

The high points of this dating phase:

If you and your significant other have reached this stage, then it's time to talk about engagement and marriage which is a very exciting and happy thing! At this time the two of you are in such a serious relationship that you never want to date other people again. This is the final stage of dating.

Congratulations! If you've made it this far, then now is when you finally get to live out your own unique "happily ever after" and truly embrace a future together. Out of the three different stages, this one is the most joyful! 

Problems that arise during the latter stages of romantic love:

Of course, even though this is a very happy time, that doesn't mean it will always be sunshine and roses! Even when you're with the right person, your relationship won't always be easy. Often, this stage is filled with difficult conversations and decisions. These things are important but sometimes uncomfortable.

As two unique beings make the choice to become one and form a new life together, some things will need to change and adapt, and this will require sacrifice on both sides. Of course, it will be worth it! But, that doesn't mean it will be easy all the time. It should also be noted that a break up at this stage will be especially devastating because you will have made it so far. 

How Are These Relationship & Dating Steps Going to Help Me Specifically?

It’s important to emphasize that there is no getting around these three stages of dating and romantic relationships, however many parts you want to break them into! As much as you may want to skip over the more difficult aspects of them, you shouldn't. The steps of dating are crucial to your relationship's success. Each stage is important to building your relationship and making it into what it should be.

When you're dating someone, regardless of how new or old the relationship is, it's important to be aware of where you are and where you are going together so that you can both be on the same page! These three stages of dating make it simple to do that.

Key Takeaways On The Stages of Romantic Relationship Development:

These stages of romance shouldn't lead you to overthink your relationship, rather they should serve as a guide to where you want to head toward with each other! These stages can also help you see what problems may arise in the future and will give you the tools you need to confront them head-on. 

FAQs On The Stages of Romantic Relationships:

When does dating turn into a relationship? 

I’ve had the fortune to know married couples who met on CatholicMatch, and the length of their dating relationships ran from weeks to years. What they all have in common—they all had to be tested through the three stages of dating and came out stronger on the other side.

What is the difference between dating and a relationship?

Just dating vs. relationship are two very different things. Dating can be casual. It's okay to go on dates with more than one person. However, if you are in a relationship, that is more serious and the two of you should be committed to one another at that point. 

How long should you wait to make a relationship official?

Deciding if you are dating vs. committed relationship is a very personal thing for each couple. While there is no right answer for everyone, regardless of how your relationship operates, you should communicate with your significant other about this before simply assuming you are "official".