This Bad Habit Is So Ingrained, We Forget It Is Sinful

Extra, extra, talk all about it!

There is a scandal, a secret, a slight or oversight and people cannot wait to tell the tale. Whether the news is local edition (fresh from the office, parish, dorm or family dinner) or worldwide (straight from the Vatican, the White House, Hollywood or Buckingham Palace), the buzz is always the same. True or not, this “news” bearing is rumor and oversharing, aka gossip.

Gossip is idle talk that serves no purpose. Gossip broadcasts private matters, presents speculation as fact, and grants license to lies.

Gossip manifests in many guises. Clicking a link to a leak is gossip. Claiming someone is guilty before proven is gossip. Forwarding an email to a third party is gossip. “Liking” a tabloid story is gossip. Simply listening to gossip is gossip.

Are you seduced by the thrill of holding on tight to tattles? Is your tongue constantly tied around tell-all treasure until you burst, blab and release? Are you often lured to listen? Gossip givers and receivers are equally at fault. Don’t assume you’re immune to gossip’s grip. In your mind you are only “venting”, “bonding” or “keeping it real” but in reality you are trying to justify your eagerness for earfuls by any means necessary.

How do we get tangled in the grapevine?

• Calumny creates a false sense of connection.
• The buzz of reporting charges our egos.
• We confuse whispering campaigns with whistle blowing.
• Boredom, boredom, boredom.

These reasons are highly relatable, but exchanging the latest story will not prove fulfilling in the long term.

God calls us to love one another and extend mercy to all. Chronicling the perceived errors of others and exposing their personal business is harmful intent. We want to believe gossip is innocent, but it is sinful.

Monsignor Charles Pope writes, “One of the more underrated categories of sin are the sins of speech.” While many Catholics cast doctrinal dissent or social justice concerns as modern day evils, the character flaw of gossip slips under the radar.

Because gossip gives us a platform, we want to assume our words are legitimized. But gossip is false witness. Because gossip does not cause physical harm, we want to assume our actions are not culpable. But gossip is verbal violence.

Ruined reputations are a common fallout of gossip, but the ultimate offense is that gossip destroys trust as it displaces truth. Spreading fake news creates an atmosphere of high drama and avoids honestly confronting issues. Instead of addressing points head on, the gossiper only asides to those that have no agency to resolve the conflict. Gossipers hide behind hearsay to avoid accountability.

Gossip not only defames, it deflects from the brokenness of those caught up in the chatter. The targeted victims of gossip are the subjects of chitchat, but the most harmed are the primary sources.

Gossiping is a defensive play to distract from ourselves.

We think that if others perceive someone else in a negative light, our own darkness is dismissible. Fear and insecurity keep us in the loop of the scoop.

Do you want gossip to define your identity? Every town crier’s true self is hidden in the shadows. A passion for prying never signals virtue. The gossiper feels that their true self is lacking and stories about someone else makes themselves appear more worthwhile. But the truth (of one’s self or others) is enough and always comes to the surface. There is no need to feign being interesting.

Breaking free of the spin cycle can be rough. The faux validation received for participating in a gossip ring is addictive. If you are always looking for a fallacious fix, ask yourself how you actually feel when the spin calms.

Are you being upfront with yourself about the purpose in pandering to a slanderous audience? Do you recognize yourself after engaging in gossip? Do you respect the gossipers in your circle? Once you see gossip and gossipers for what they are, the need for distance and a dose of reality soon follows.

Practicing the the old adage of not saying anything behind one’s back that you wouldn’t repeat to their face never steered anyone wrong.

So sip a cup of honest-tea and let the truth set you free.